Swing Life Away.

I'm sitting at my kitchen table, drinking a large glass of water while looking outside at the gray, sopping wet weather outside. It is stereotypical south bend-looking, white-grey sky that makes everything else look grey alongside it. the rooftops all look the same color and even the trees take on a muddy looking hue to match the snow-melting ground beneath them. The poor swingset in the backyard looks so lonely! The dilapidated swings look really pathetic just hanging there... I wonder how long it's been since they've been used. Frankly, I might have been the last one to swing on them hahaha. Yes, I am 19 years old and still enjoy swingsets. They're my fave. During the summertime especially, I'll go on walks to the elementary school just outside the neighborhood and swing on the swings. It's the best, I feel like such a little kid and I love it.

I can't wait for sidewalk chalk weather.

Tomorrow, I'm driving to Indianapolis to stay with Valerie Carnevale and to spend time with all of my fabulous Indy kids. I'm soooo excited!! I'm also excited just for the drive. I'm weird, but I absolutely love driving, especially by myself. I can think and jam to my tunes to my heart's content without any disruptions except for my occasional irrational bouts of road rage. Tomorrow I will have 3 beautiful hours of country music and Indiana highways. Love it.

Honey nut cheerios are kind of just God's way of telling me he loves me. I love honey nut cheerios. They're perfectly mixed between hearty and sweet. Just soo yummy. Thanks for making my morning.

I didn't run today. On one foot, I'm kinda sad. On the other, it was pretty icky outside, so i may have spared myself some mild depression. I did go on a walk with the lovely Renee Delee. What a girl, I'm so lucky to have her as a best friend. We've been buds practically since birth. She is my sister. I love her so much... we just get each other so well. I just really really like Raybaby.

So I found out today that I'm getting another poem published! I'm really excited. It's funny because the website that chose it picked a really random one that I wrote a really long time ago. I'm still pretty stoked to have another poem published though. It makes me feel so official. :]

I'm so grateful for socks. I think i may have already said this at some point, but really. When your house has all wood and tile floors, socks are sooooo nice. It's freezing in my house.

I want to bake pumpkin bread. I think I will.

I want to go to the top of a lighthouse someday.
I want to drink wine at an outdoor restaurant in Italy.
I want to go to a FC Barca soccer game in Barcelona.
I want to to to Peru and help orphaned babies.
I want to jump out of a plane.
I want to hike the grand canyon.
I want to go hunting.
I wanna live live live live live. So much. I want to experience EVERYTHING.
Do you ever feel like that?? Like there's so much for you to soak up in life that it almost feels like life is way too short to do it? Maybe it's selfish for me to want so much. Don't get me wrong, if you told me that this is it, the things that I've done and the places i've gone are all I'll ever be able to do, I'd be happy because I have such a rich life. But I think that being alive means we should be able to see and experience as much as we can. The world is here for us. I want to see coastal greece and be somewhere where I don't understand the language. I wanna be confused and challenged by experiences. I think everyone should be able to have experiences like that. Because life isn't supposed to be easy all the time. We should adventure and test ourselves and look foolish. How else are we to truly understand the expansive, diverse, colossal world we're surrounded by? We should all give ourselves the chance to feel small and inconsequential, even if for a minute. The world is so much bigger than finals and meetings and carpools and schedules. What if we had the chance to free ourselves from it all for one day? Go somewhere where no one knows your name, no one knows who you are or where you go to school or how many kids you have or who matters to you? What if for one day, we were somewhere where we felt the most lonely, small, and insignificant we've ever felt? Would you embrace how humbling it would be, or would you revel in the misery? I think that we would all, by default, resort to the latter. But what if we didnt? We would find a different sense of self, I think. I kinda wanna try it, feeling insignificant, because I want to watch the chaos of the rest of the world without paying attention to my own. I think I'd learn a lot.
That was a huge, ridiculous, maybe even nonsensical tangent. Who's reading this? Whoever it is, bless your heart.
Dinnertime!

It's Christmastiiiime in South Bend, ring-a-liing.

I am currently eating a deliciously juicy orange while wrapping Christmas presents and drinking chocolate milk. I have discovered that I am really bad at gift wrapping. I used to be awesome at it, but I have clearly lost my touch. Sorry, family members. I should have used gift bags and tissue paper. This year may be the first year ever that I've gotten gifts for every sibling and parent. I feel so accomplished! I'm happy with what I got them too. Poor Annie may have to wait to get hers because I ordered it online and I don't know if it will ship in time. Weee shall see.
All my siblings are in this house right now!! We picked up Becca from the airport this morning and I'm sooo happy that we're all together. She brought home some homemade irish soda bread from the McNichols and iii'm excited.
One thing that really, really stinks about having no clothes is that I have none of my running clothes! Neither of my sisters run and my mom doesnt either, so I have no athletic gear whatsoever. That sounds like the most lame excuse not to work out, but I seriously don't know how to deal with it. What would a cave man do? I want my luggage baaaack!!!
I get to see Valerie and Matt tomorrow. I can't wait.
Katie Anne Havard is just the greatest. She came over last night out of the blue and we drank hot chocolate and talked about school and snow and how lame chemistry is. She's soooo awesome. I aspire to be as cool as her someday, but it prolly won't happen. She's just a natural rockstar.
Christmas is awesome. Jus' sayin.
I miss my college friends!!! So much.
But I love being home.
This is a super short post, but I'm blanking on what I wanna say right now. I will write more later :]

grateful cont.

large, large hoodies
socks
my mom
my sister annie
the invention of the telephone
email
school being DONE
my hair. it may be atrocious and crazy all the time, but it keeps me warm hahaha
red wine
this is more of a "be grateful of what you have when you have it"-- Amtrak lost ALL my luggage. I am currently missing almost my entire wardrobe of clothing. I don't know what I'll do if i don't get it back. So folks, be grateful of all your clothes, they could go missing one day!
jake maz because he writes awesome songs
real, big bowls of cereal with real, big spoons
christmas trees
prayer
patience
little brothers
did i mention school being done?

life is a whirldwind right now. I cannot believe it's almost christmas. I'm halfway done with my first year of college. I have such a hard time wrapping my mind around that! I feel like i was juust in the car on the way to DC to move into my dorm. I feel like I've known everyone at school forever, and I miss them already! Time flies so fast.

I really want my luggage back.

ive been trying to figure out christmas gifts for people lately and ive discovered that Im really bad at giving gifts. I'm not creative at all! I dont know why this is. Maybe it's because I'm not picky about gifts? I usually like everything, so i just assume everyone will be just as accepting of random gifts... but im starting to realize that a lot of people actually go into christmas KNOWING what they want. I have hardly ever done that. I think it's weird. I mean, no offense to anyone, i hope all your hopes and dreams for a fairytale christmas come true haha. If you told me to sit under my christmas tree and plopped a mug of hot chocolate in my hands and told me that that was my christmas present, i prolly wouldn't mind. I don't need anything, i have life. and hot chocolate. and christmas trees. and home, and family, etc etc. yay.

I WANNA WATCH DISNEY MOVIES.

i'm super sleepy. I can't get over this whole baggage thing. Im so, so worried that it's gone forever... gahhh. SO much is in that huge suitcase.
agh i can't worry right now. Im sleepin.
goodnight moon.

Grateful

Today is December 15th. There are ten days until Christmas. During these ten days I am going to post lists of ways that I've been blessed, particularly this year. This year, 2010, has brought so much change and opportunity to learn and experience so many things. I've been taught a lot this year, I've had to grow up this year maybe more than any other year of my life so far. Lord, bless my mind, and keep it open to you. Help me never try to take too much control, because you have a life for me to live, and you won't let me be sad or lonely or miserable. Help me trust you with my life. I'm giving it all to you right now. Help these lists open my eyes to your amazing goodness.

I have an absolutely, incredibly amazing set of parents who love me SO much. They are always there for me and always supportive and wonderful. I am thankful for them every day, they are unbelievably good at what they do, being the best parents in the universe.

I have 5 wonderful, hilarious, beautiful siblings. Becca, Annie, John, Joe, and Will, I love you all soooo much and I can't wait for Christmas when we can all be under one roof together, it's been way too long.

I have a mind for loving people, which at times feels like an anchor on my heart because I can't fix everyone's problems, but ultimately I know that loving is a freedom. I am so glad I can see the world the way I do.

I have a very picky/guilty conscience, and it's the product of excellent parenthood, thank you mom and dad. You raised me so well.

I am so grateful to be a healthy person, to be able to run when I want to and be active and happy.

I could fill an entire book with how grateful I am for my friends, but I will simply say that each of you has shaped me, and continues to shape me into a better Mary. I am grateful for each of you every day, and I appreciate you so much.

I have successfully moved more than 600 miles away and lived 4 months of my life in a completely new place by myself at a school where I knew no one and I have survived. And made some completely irreplaceable friends.

I have mastered the art of using public transportation. For the most part.

I went to confession on Monday. Such a good decision, I feel so free to conquer finals week.

Rebecca Feeks and her mind and heart and awesomely enviable wit. And her appreciation for the necessity of things like beef jerky.

I see beauty in simple things. I think it's a gift.

Being able to express my thoughts in writing.

My high school education. It makes me feel smarter than a lot of college kids. I miss Humane letters.

Homemade meals. Kids, don't take them for granted, you are going to miss them SO much when you stop living at home.

I'll write more later, this list is going to keep on building until Christmas. My room is FREEZING and I need to shower and clean and start studying for my final on friday and I need to start packing. woohoo! Feliz Navidad temprano, amigos!

Mumford and Sons- "Sigh No More." Listen to it, and be happy.

sunlight beams burst in my eyes
and i see light beams in black-infested skies

well my heart isn't pure
but it's known by something deeper
who sees the blackness and the light collide

crying, my heart is crying
because it was made to love in the blackness,
set free because of the sun amongst the blackness.

smattered in the mud of our feet
upside down covered in ash soot and filthy street
we learn to be blind in the blackness.

but when my sun-battered eyes, weak yet trying
see through the film of the world that is lying
i am whole in an impure heart that is
willing.

made to be
made to love
made to meet our maker.

are you free?




I just had the best hour-long "car porch" with my beautiful sister Becca. I swear, it's like whenever i need it the most, she always brings up the right things to talk about and do that leave me feeling completely myself again. The world is right even if i have three finals left and im getting sick and I'm tired and homesick and confused about stuff. I think the only way the world makes sense is if you figure out why you're here with the people you're with. I think we are supposed to love. Becca and I were listening to the band Mumford and Sons and they have an ohmygosh-worthy song called "sigh no more," which inspired the poem above. Here are the lyrics that floored me:

Sigh no more, no more
One foot in sea, one on shore
My heart was never pure
And you know me
And you know me

Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be.
There is a design,
An alignment to cry,
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be.

When I heard the last verse, I was honestly speechless because I think about that ALL THE TIME. Love will not betray you, dismay you, or enslave you, it will SET YOU FREE because in loving, we are being who we were made to be. We are not perfect, our hearts are not pure, but the beauty of love is that it unites us with our maker, simultaneously making us free and who we are supposed to be. Only love, that is the only way to live. I've really been trying to love lately. Love is one of the most difficult, if not the most difficult thing I think we all have to do. Love in its raw and unadorned form is brutal, it's exhausting, and at some points completely belittling. Loving people, I have often found, results in being lonely sometimes. Because when you understand how selfless love works, you give so much of yourself to other people who don't understand you. Love is not immediately fired back at you. Sometimes when you give so much of yourself for other people, you're left feeling empty and worse than before. That's when you have to realize that love is not a trap. It's not an enslavement and love will never leave you alone. Because we were created by the SOURCE of love. God made us to love. It's a gift to understand that, and even more of a gift to be able to live how we were ought. Love should not dismay you, will not betray you or enslave you, because love SETS YOU FREE. It's freedom in its purest form. How free am I, that I can love, I can share myself, my heart and my mind with the WORLD, and not be burdened by waiting for something in return. Love alone is a reminder that I am not alone. I am never alone when I choose to be free.

I love to watch the world. Have you ever actually watched the sun set? Or noticed when the light glints off the top of a building or behind a bus stop bench? I love the world, I hope I never lose the awe I have for what we're given.

Becca Feeks did not have to drive all the way to Marymount today to see me. But she did. And when I got in the car, she handed me a bag and said "it's a survival kit." Yes, sir. In that bag there was beef jerky, twizlers, a LUNCHABLE, a blue monster, a pack of gum, and bag of goldfish, and camel crushes. I DON'T DESERVE HER. But I'm awfully glad I have her :]

I did all my laundry today. It;s a good thing because today I was on my last pair of underwear and I have begun to live in sweats because I hadn't done my laundry since I got back from Thanksgiving break. I have honestly lived in the library for about a week. Wanna know how much sleep I have lost in the past week and a half? All of it. Between tuesday and wednesday, I wrote 20 pages [two papers], a powerpoint, got a thesis for my english final [which i owned today], AND read my philosophy assignments. I am a library rockstar.

[God] storm us awake.

settle in me like a storm.
break the burn in my soul.
peacelike wandering calls my name
through snowlit dusks.

canvased smiles harbor nothing behind them.
worldshaken and brittleskinned,
we chafe against our own purposes,
supergluing our resolutions together like spider webs against a film grain.

break the ice between our fingers,
shoot the bridge between our eyes,
we are droughted unknowingly with
desire for our skin to be pored for perspective.

nonsense has begun to make sense.
that is our downfall,
that is the burning in my soul,
the teeth-breaking quiet before Your storm.

song of the day= lay me down by the dirty heads.

It's been far too long since I've had a good blog sesh.

Today, I went on a solo adventure. Let me preface my adventure by saying that last sunday afternoon in freezing cold South Bend Indiana, I was in the car and got a text. I opened my phone and the screen was blank. White. Like casper. Sooo I was like hm. That kinda sucks... I turned it off, took out the battery, etc etc. It improved somewhat. The background and everything showed up... upside down and backwards. Then it went white again. Suffice it to say, my phone bit the dust. Flying back here to DC and being on a college campus are both difficult without a phone. It's not making my day. Soooo I adventured to a full-service verizon store in Pentagon City today.
To get to Pentagon, you have to take the orange line metro to Rosslyn, then transfer to the blue line going towards Franconia/Springfield and get off at Pentagon City. I did it all by my lonesome. It made me feel like a big kid.
Once I got to the Pentagon City mall, I went to the verizon store and talked to a lady about replacing or fixing my phone. Well @#$%^&*(*&^%$@! my phone can't be fixed or replaced because its warranty expired, I'm not due for an upgrade, and I don't have insurance. Cool. Das awesome. I kinda had a mini pity party and ended up getting an ice cream cone at McDonalds. Do you know how great a McDonalds vanilla ice cream cone tastes when you're having a pity party about your phone being irresurrectable? It tastes awesome.

Jake Maz is serenading me over skype right now. Hi Jake. I love you. And your jam seshs.

I really, really appreciate whoever invented pockets. Think about it! Pockets are GENIUS. Whoever came up with them gets like eighty million candy canes. [If you didn't pick up that Mean Girls reference, just know that whoever invented pockets has a huuuge one-up on Glen Coco.]

If you haven't seen Harry Potter yet, SEE IT IN IMAX. It will rock your world.

It's sooooo blustery today! I feel like I'm in a Winnie the Pooh story. I liike it.

EMILY ROBINSON, I MISS YOUR FACEE!!!!!!

Chazzi is my hero because she eats lucky charms and pizza bread for dinner. Lindsay is my other hero because she mixes cocoa puffs and lucks charms and has coco charms. I'm beyond inspired.

I think it's hilarious when people shorten the word 'beverage' to 'bev.'

Dear finals week,
you are approaching rather rapidly. I am terrified of you.
Sincerely,
Mary Christeta.

I have to go get ready for work.
BUT here's my grateful-for list today:

stumbleupon.com-- it gets me through the worst of times.
study groups
running
sleep
ibprofin
friends friends friends friends!
valerie carnevale-- you are so good at encouraging me.
home
gum
POCKETS.


peace.

Finding time to see the stars.

I just realized that it's been almost a week since my last real post. Time is going crazy! I've kinda lost a gauge for how long a month feels. November flew OUT the window, I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is in 4 DAYS. I can't believe I get to go home in 2 days!!! I get to go hommmeee!!! Home home home. I haven't been home since August. I haven't been home since SUMMERTIME. I miss everyone and everything. I'm so excited to go back, and it's going to be so hard to leave.

South Bend is a different world from the metro/DC area. Here, everything keeps moving. There's never any lag time, no sunday drivers, no open spaces that aren't filled with sidewalks or buildings. Don't get me wrong, living in this area is wonderful in so many ways! I have learned to master public transportation. I have learned not to trust metro closing times. I have forced myself to get to know the area by going on adventure runs and walking home from nannying jobs. I have learned how to be smart about spending money, even though it is RIDICULOUSLY expensive to live here. I know my way around Washington DC and I can use the metro system by myself very confidently. All in all, I just think I've been doing a lot of growing up in the past few months, in a lot of ways. Not only did I have to make the initial adjustment to college life, I had to adjust to it 600 miles away from home. It's been a test, but I think I'm doing alright.

Can I go on a rant about how much I absolutely love Valerie Carnevale, in every single solitary way? She is the epitome of WILLING. She is one thousand percent willing to love with her entire heart every single minute of every day. I had such an amazing conversation with her yesterday. I cried, she cried, tears of frustration and joy and struggling to find a balance between being free and feeling obligated to solve the world's problems. Valerie doesn't feel trapped by tests and deadlines and work stress, Valerie's constant frustration is not being able to help fix every sadness or flaw she sees in the world at once. Valerie wants to be in Peru with orphans and in Europe and build houses and go to church and take people wakeboarding and do photoshoots and pray the rosary all at once. She has a deepdown, souldesire to spread herself everywhere, to love everyone, to effect the world through love. What she doesn't fully realize is that she already does. Every day. Valerie, people see that desire, people feel changed by the way you love, you effect them. Don't ever ever ever lose your amazing fire for life. Keep walking through the rain baby.

I think that the movie Elf is hilarious. I don't care what people say, ill call you a cottonheaded ninnymuggins annyyyy day of the week.

Thank you mom and dad for how you raised me. It makes me happy every day.

I SAW THE OPENING SHOWING OF HARRY POTTER.
Not gonna lie, it was GREAT. Like, usually the movies kinda suck, right? That acting is bad, the scenes aren't how you imagine them, there's stuff left out, etc etc. But noo! The acting was half decent, lots of the the scenes were HOW I IMAGINED them while reading the books [which is superduper cool]and the movie included tonnss and ended on a huge cliff hanger. I was so stoked and harry-potter-nerdy after that movie ended hahaha.

Jake Maz, you take rad pictures with your rad guitar and your rad shades. I aspire to be as rad as you one day. Rock on.

Hey Katrina? You're adorable and hilarious. Thank you for waiting for me while i tried on my whole closet yesterday and offering to pick me up from the airport :) Happy early birthday!!

Emily Wemily Prettyladywhoimissallthetime-- You are so boootiful. When you sent me pics of you and Savannah at the park, i was like ohhmygoshh, what's her secret? I have a beautifulll dark haired twin soulbestie. I'm excited for Tuesday night.

EVERYONE LISTEN UPPP-- Chelsea Ritter is one fantastic individual.

I fell asleep sitting up in the library tonight. I was reading my philosophy homework and started falling asleep. Then someone texted me, and i closed my eyes while texting them back, realized I was falling asleep, and laughed at the complete nonsense that I almost sent back to them. I'm sleepy. I'm going to bed in approximately fifteen minutes.

Why is there Christmas music everywhere?? I mean, I love Christmas, but don't rush Thanksgiving! I need time to eat my turkey :)

I love to run. I LOVE to run. I went on a perrrrfect route yesterday, I was so happy about it. I figured out that if i stay on one street for a while, and then just go back the same way, I won't get lost! I'm getting creative with my route-making, it makes me happy. I think I have a stress thing going on in my foot though, which is tooootally bumming me out, because it really hurts. Booo. Oh well, thanks Jesus for giving me a body to run with. It's fun, I like it.

Lizface, thank you for the cookie today. I'm glad we are dessert twins. A+ for giving the food pyramid a run for its money today.

I love night time and running under overpasses and reading old grafiti and sunshine on my face and leaves falling and blue skies and hills and jackets and disney movies and Thanksgiving and laughing and Mexican restaurants and adventures and good conversations and stars, so many stars. I love Dostoevsky and the things he taught me, I love loving and getting my mind blown by simple things.
I want to impact
I want to learn SO MUCH about every single person in the world.
I want everyone to feel as inspired as I do.
I want everyone to feel this freedom.
I want to pray more. Every day.
I want to have stronger faith, both in God and myself.

Know what's cool? I can do something about every single thing I listed.
Isn't life awesome?
Be grateful for life, it lets you love and work and look at the stars.

Goal for the week: Live alive, no wasted opportunities, work hard.
2 tiny days until I'm HOME.

I am unbelievably, completely one trillion percent blessed to have Valerie Marie Carnevale in my life. I don't know what else to say. She keeps me being me. Valpants, Valcro, Valentiiiiine. I am the luckiest girl because you're my best friend. Thank you thank you thank you for being.

Dashboard and Diet Coke with Lime.

This weekend, I got to see my dad. I was SO happy to see him, I missed him so much. I went to my aunt and uncle's house on friday night and just spent like seven hours eating and drinking and porching [yes, it's a verb] with my dad, sister, and a couple relatives. It was fantastic. It got reeeally cold out, so my cousin Katie lent me a men's xxxl hoodie that she had and i was wearing man sweatpants that were long enough to pull over my toes. I was so snuggly and happy. It was such a good night.

Theresee, thank you SO much for the diet coke. My fridge isn't lonely anymore.
By the way, everyone, if you want a free kitty whose name is Scarlett who is pretty and blue-eyed, Theresee has one. Let me know if you want her!

I'm listening to Dashboard Confessional and blogging instead of doing my homework. Bad Mary.

I wish I had gone on a run earlier today.
But my Achilles tendons hurt. So I should take a break? Prolly.
I love running.

Valerie, I'm wearing a hippo silly bad you gave me, it makes me smile. Thanks for pep-talking me last night, I love you so much.

Asia, you are THE BEST. I love you so much. You will prolly not ever read this, but I still love you girl.

I reallyreallyreally want steak.

The sunshine woke me up sooo stinkin' early this morning. I may as well not even have curtains, because they accomplish absolutely nothing.

you have stooolleennnn myyy heeeeeaaaaarrrrrrrrtttttttt!!!!!!!
i love this song.
thanks, dashboard.

I have to edit a sociology research paper. It's 18 pages long. I'm not excited.

Library people watching is fun, because half the people are falling asleep or finding discrete ways to procrastinate. It's funny.

Katrina, I liked our run the other day. I'm sorry I jaywalked and gave you a heart attack.

Emily Robinson.
I think you're pretty. I like you so much. I wish you lived on campus. But on the other foot, I like coming to your house with you spontaneously at all hours of the night and eating chocolate eclair bars with a spoon in your kitchen and trying on your whole closet and stealing your makeup remover. You astound me all the time, did you know that? You're just so goshdarn confident and strong-willed and genuine. I admire you so much. Thanks for being, you make my life wayyy more sunshiney. All the time. I hope you're feeling better. Let's have a running date soon?

My mom always texts me really cute things. And she sends me nice emails.
She's the best ever. I love my momma.

IMSOEXCITEDFORTHANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i get to see all of my INCREDIBLEEEEE friends. I miss them so. much.

breathing. sometimes I forget to think about how much it matters.




I need some Vivaldi. I'm about to enter nerd mode.
3-2-1 go.

17 reasons why I should love TODAY, specifically.

1. I had an 8am class today, and I set my alarm for 7:30. My phone died while i was sleeping, but I still magically woke up at 7:54. I was only about 6 minutes late for class.

2. I was waiting all by my lonesome for Brenna so I wouldn't have to walk into the cafeteria by myself today, and then Caroline rescued me.

3. It's a STUNNINGLY perfect day outside. Treesharp, whistleclear, cookie-cutter sky perfect.

4. Ashaunte giggled incessantly at Dave Chapelle while her headphones were in. I sat here and laughed because she was laughing really loud and didnt realize it. I love Ashaunte's laugh, its so funny.

5. I get to go on a ruun in the beautiful sunshine with my beautiful shoes.

6. I will have a clean room at some point.

7. I feel free, I'm deciding to be freemary today.

8. I only work for two hours and I'm done by four.

9. It's Thursday. I love Thursdays.

10. I got so many hellos today.

11. I finished my schedule for next semester! Officially all registered.

12. I saw Emily today. I don't see her enough. Emily is the best, she reminds me of daisies.

13. Ashaunte gave me spur of the moment life advice in her cute little Ashaunte voice.

14. I talked metaphors with Valerie and she said I rocked. Like Plymouth. Plymouth Rock is how much she thinks I rock. YESSSSS.

15. I'm not going to be late to work today, and my shift's in ten minutes.

16. My window's open.

17. I'm livingbreathingawakesmilingsoldieringthroughnotbeingstressedoutawesome.

time to go to work! More later.

I hope you looked at the sky today.

Being Valerie's friend is like knowing you're coming home to homemade chocolate chip cookies. Homemade chocolate chip cookies just ALWAYS fix stuff. The thought of chocolate chip cookies puts a warm fuzzy smile in your heart because you just know how awesome they are. Know that feeling? Like, when you're tired and miserable and stressed out and there's so much going on and you just want to give up, you remember the cookies [Valerie]. Always dependable, always wonderful, constant, and joy-inspiring. Valerie, thanks for being the huuuuuuuuuuuge batch of friendship cookies that you are.
that made a lot more sense in my head.
moving on.

I had lunch with Becca today! She looks so professional in her professional looking pencil skirt and oxford and her professionally worn peep-toe heels whose soles are falling off. I love her. I love her a lot. Becca, thank you for the Quiznos and deep conversation.

My room is a bigfat mess. But it's not like an explosive mess, it's a subtle, contained mess. Its the kind of mess where stuff is just put in the wayyyyy wrong places, so you can't ever find anyyyything, even if it looks moderately cleaned up. I have too many papers in too many folders with not enough space to put the folders, so the folders end up stacked next to the library books that are already stacked next to my computer under my lamp, but now the stack is so high that the light is being obscured, and i CAN'T WORK WITH OBSCURE LIGHTING. Sorry. I had to vent.
moving on.

I didn't run today. I didn't have time. It made me sad. So I may hit the gym tonight, as much as I hatehatehatehatehate treadmills. We shall see. I went to zumba on Monday and OH my gosh. So fun. I'm going back every time now. It's like hiphop dancing meets salsa and all other kinds of crazy. You definitely have to move those hips. I'm not gonna lie, some of those moves just AREN'T going to happen. Because it is physically impossible for a girl this white to move like that.

I'm hungry, six o'clock needs to come faster. Wednesday works days feel like they last forever because my shift is 3-6, but it gets dark at like 5 so it feels like I'm here for wayyy longer than I am. blah.

I think people should pray more.
I think I should probably pray more.
The sky was almost electric today. I was waiting for a shuttle and looked up, and there was a treebranch with bright yellow leaves on it, and against the bluuuuuuuuuuue sky, they looked incredible. How can colors be that cool? God loves us, we could be living in a world of black and white, but he chose to give us electric blue and yellow November mornings that are almost too warm for the cardigan you chose to wear.
I think backpacks are fantastic inventions.
Don't you love people watching? I could ride the metro for hours, people are hilarious and weird and fascinating.
I love hugs. so much.
I missed my friends so much today.


I also really missed home today. I thought about the fact that I'm not trying to get out of raking the leaves or driving carpools in my 13 passenger van, and it made me sad. I get to see my dad in two days!!! When I found out he was coming to town, I think I teared up a little, I miss him so much. It's hard to think about the fact that I haven't seen my dad since August. Or my little brothers. Or Annie. That's too much time. Thanksgiving, come faster.

Chelsea Ritter makes me smile because she always comes up and scares me when I'm doing homework outside at a picnic table. She's so pretty, and she never wears makeup and I'm kinda a lot jealous of her unfettered confidence. She's a blue-eyed, blonde haired, fellow-sweatpant-wearing lifelover. And I love her. a lot.

I love when friends call me.

Calla Marie Couch, I miss your beautiful face, and I think about you a lot.

I bumped my elbow, and it hurts reeeeeal bad.

I'd love a hammock. Today was SUCH a hammock day. Gosh. Ah, i love hammocks.

Tengo hambre! Twenty minutes. Hasta Luego :)

Don't you wish you still read stories like Runaway Bunny or Raggetty Ann & Andy? I do.

I like Sundays because they're unimposing. Nothing about Sunday says you HAVE to do anything. You can laze around all day and watch the sun beat through your curtains, and it wouldn't even matter. I did that for a while this morning. I didn't want to wake up all the way, so I woke up halfway, and I halfway appreciated the sunshine peering through the seams in my curtains, while the other half of me was secretly loathing daylight savings time. Being only halfway awake made me less irate about it though.

Have you ever thought about why people think it's necessary to alllllllways wear shoes? I mean, think about it, we were not born with shoes on our feet. Lil babies look like they have froggy toes because they've never been crammed inside of a shoes, whereas we all have funny, stairstep looking toes from being laced up in bunny-eared sneakers and high heels. Dislike. WWCMD? What Would CaveMen Do? Prolly NOT wear shoes.

I went to church at 7:00 pm with my pretty friend Jaime D'Souza. Jaime is my mass buddy. And I like it.

Sometimes, I watch clouds.
I successfully made hot chocolate without getting up from my chair tonight. I don't know if this is a good or an evil.
I dislike group projects very, very much.
I made a new friend yesterday.
Chelsea Jaime and I have bonding time over Cocoa puffs and facebook.
Valerie Carnevale is the Charlie to my Brown.
porches are totally rad.
why can I see my breathe when i go outside? fix it, weatherman.


I love classical music. I have so many classical pandora stations. Vivaldi is the greatest studybuddy EVER.

My eyes are tired.
I went on a collllllllllld run on Sautrday, but it was adventurous and beautiful anyway. I re-uinited with Pollard Street. We're becoming friends, me and Pollard Street.
my room is too messy. It makes my thoughts feel messy and jumbled too. I should clean.
I love Ashaunte. She is adorable.
Water is such a magical invention. Thanks, God.
I like my turquoise thrift store mug.

I like life so much, so much of the time. For that, I am grateful.
I'm going to go take a shower, brush my teeth with my spanking new 99-cent CVS toothbrush, and put on man sweatpants and read a book. Yep. I am going to read a book for fun. Because I miss it. Wait for me Dostoevsky short stories, I'm only a shower away! Runaway Bunny is tomorrow's bedtime story.

Goodnight moon.

I'm sure it's sunny somewhere.

So somehow I feel like when you have a night when the wireless in your dorm room doesn't exist and you need to go to your floor lobby to get any internet bars, and then Daniel Townsend gives you chocolate chip cookie dough and then Liz Schmit invites you to hang out and Ashley brings a dog into Liz's dorm and we try on masks and post obnoxious videos on people's facebook walls and you make easymac for your friends at 2 in the morning and you're up for your 9:30am , the rest of your day is going to automatically be stupendous. It's pretty stupendous so far, I'd say.

I just spent an hour in Chelsea's room. We had a nerd sesh and looked at all of my hidden poetry that I never show anyone. Chelsea makes my life. She's one of the most genuine, down to earth, honest, fun-loving, hilarious, beauuuutiful girls I have ever met. Without fail, I am allllways laughing when I'm with her. Or we're having really deep conversations. I love me some Chazzi. That's her name. Chazzi. I'm on the phone with you right now, Chelsea, and you, hero of mine, just showed up an hour and eighteen minutes early for your communications class on accident. I kinda love you.

Jaime, I love that you shared your scone with me in philosophy today. I think you're amazingly fantastic. How can so much Jaime be in sucha little baby teenytiny body? I like it when you rap and try to find ways to make "Feeks" rhyme with stuff. I appreciate your music tastes. I liked your hair today.

I need to go help Katrina open her mailbox. Everybody, I have MASTERED how to open my combination lock. Do you even know how long it took me and how much of a pain it's been to deal with not being able to open combo locks for nineteen years? It's actually a big deal that I can open them now. I feel like I should get a medal. Or a sticker. Gold star.

Hey Becca? Sister of mine? You prolly won't read this. But I love you. Let's go out to lunch tomorrow and talk about deep things. I think you'd be proud to know that I'm incorporating the Brothers Karamazov into my Honors research paper about the problem of suffering. It's going to be spiff.

CONBINATION LOCK TIMEEE.

Happy Friday, I hope it's sunny where you are, cause it's not really here. And it should at least be sunny somewhere.

I love Pollard Street

Today, I am so grateful for
caffeine
time
amazingly spiffy running shoes
fall trees
adventure runs and discovering new routes
my sisters. i miss them and think about them all the time.
excedrin extra strength
photos on my wall

id really love a rooftop to sit on. I feel like I'd get a lot of thinking done. it would be good for my soul. There's something about getting alone-time in really obscure places like rooftops or anywhere isolated that really gets to me. I get really pensive and peaceful. I need that right now I think.

I ran today and decided to be creative and take neighborhood streets that I'd never been on. Aside from my being slightly lost for a while, it was suuch a good decision because it was beauuutiful. I found a perfect street. It's called Pollard street. As soon as you turn onto it, everything is orange and yellow and red and warm-colored, and you're a part of it, and as the street winds down to a curve, you feel like you're in a storybook of fall time and pumpkin pie and warm fuzzies. I got a homey feeling from Pollard street. Thanks, Pollard street.

I love words.

Did you know that half the time, I'm stringing random words together in my head to make pretty, interesting, or eclectic sounding sentences or poems? It's true.

I'd love to know why my headache won't go away.

Another fact of life: homework just never ever gets done.

I like my name today. I don't know any other Marys here.

I'm deciding to not say the phrase "I'm tired" more than once a day. I say it too much, and I hate whiners.

I'm not feeling creative right now. I wish I could just unwind the spool of crazy thoughts jumbled up in my head right now, but it's not gonna work today. I'd like to fly a kite right now. In bare feet.

out of nowhere poetry. it keeps happening.

midnight coffee break
stormed in thoughts
put aside on doilies too old to look like lace
they smell like dust,
collecting on my thoughts.

in all the lush books
ripe with characters and monologues
i wish i could be the one who
shatters common perception's point
like a renovated building corner.

water. storms of flashflood weather
break apart my inhibitions
like a tightrope made of ice.
Where I once walked, I melted creases in my path,
and I fell through as time wore on.

Just to sit back here,
sipping on midnight thoughts while my
former self collects dust.

You pick a title.

I felt sicker than sick when I went to bed last night. My stomach hurt, like someone was punching me and my head ached like nobody's business. I woke up at 8:20 to shower. I couldn't even open my eyes all the way for like a half hour after I woke up. I was one of those days. One of those days when you try and "put on" the pen that's in your hand instead of the chapstick in your other one. One of those days that no matter how hard you try, it feels like you're moving in really slow motion. One of those days that food doesnt even taste yummy no matter how good it looks or how hungry you feel.

Today dragged, I struggled. But hey, guess what?

I KILLED my sociology exam, I got through my philosophy class alive, and my English research proposal isn't due for another two weeks. Back To December is such a good song, and I've been singing it all day, even though I only know about seven words to it. I successfully conquered manning the front desk at work today for the first time. I drank tea today instead of coffee. I still like coffee better, but high fives to myself for opting for a healthier alternative for a day. I took about a 26 minute nap today... some sleep is better than none, and I was happy about it. I have awesome friends who want me to eat dinner with them in the cafeteria and go swing dancing and get chipotle and hang out.

Valerie Carnevale makes my heart sing, Ya wanna know why? She is fearless and 1000% dedicated in every stinking thing she decides to do. She makes awesome lists with her awesome handwriting and does everything on her lists awesomely. Know the best part? Half the time, she doesn't even realize how awesome she is. I think that is the sign of a TRUE awesome person. So heyguesswhat Val? You actually are a rockstar way more often than you know, and you make my sky sunny all the time.

Jake Maz, I love all your spelling errors.

I had hot chocolate when I walked out of the dining hall tonight, I put spanking new sheets on my bed and I'm about to do laundry and maybe even take a nappy and catch up on some homework. Thank the lord for no classes tomorrow, even though I have a million things to do.

I am so grateful for dayquil and water and socks today. It's cold outside, but there are still flowers and fall leaves. I'm sniffly, but someone cool invented nasal decongestant. God invented water, so props big guy, I'm not dehydrated, and I'm ALIVE. Wow, Mary, stop complaining, you're alive and breathing and strong and one of the luckiest people on the planet. I can't waste this day, it's perfect. Each day is perfect, simply because it exists. Cool.


I'm talking to my little brother William on the phone right now and it's making my life. He is beyonddd precious. I miss him so much.

i procrastinate by writing poetry about nothing in particular. enjoy.

Being alive today is just what it looks like
tastes like, breaks like and bends like,
but I wish you were here.

Like the sound of needle-crunch leaf under pebble-studded shoe treads.
like the look of fire leaves in between the green of stay-around trees.
like the sound of airplane lines being made in-between the cerulean.

The peppery air stays in the folds of my jacket and the smell surrounds me, even when I'm watching the weather from inside glowy store windows or shuttle-bus doors.
I'm preoccupied with a bonfire-mind, I'd like to dust my shoes on the carpet of colorness underneath this cobwebbed concrete patio.

Shuffled in the words of a country love song, I'm torn between my logic and mystic.
The colorsmell of this fall air is a getaway car, bringing me home fast. I usually hope that you'll be waiting there to see me with a fall flower in my tangled hair

Exhaustion?

I hate it when I lose my pens. I ALWAYS lose them.
and I have an aversion to pencils.

I have had one mug of tea and two mugs of coffee in the past two hours.
I'm still too sleepy to be doing homework.

I have the beginnings of a cold, my sinuses feel like there's a thirty pound weight on them and my nose is very sniffly.

I'm pretty sure I have a research proposal due tomorrow that I definitely have NOT written yet. I don't quite know what I'm going to do about that yet.

I should probably be studying for my sociology test right now. But I'm not, obviously.

I wrote a poem when I was in procrastination, trying not to panic mode. I kinda like it.

I'm scatterbrained and ridiculous right now.

I have my thinking hairdo going on [big bun on the tippy top of my head] and I'm wearing my man sweatpants and fuzzy slippers. What Not to Wear would MURDER me right now.

I got the best letter from Valerie today, it made me smile. I got it from my mailbox and read it outside at a picnic table in the sunshine. She's the best.

I had cocoa puffs for dinner because the only edible looking food were sloppy joes that turned out not being very edible. Yay cereal!

I love my roommate because she has dance parties in the bathroom with me while we brush our teeth.

I ran out of actual kleenex, so there's just a bunch of toilet paper sitting next to me at my desk. I feel classy.

On my left, there is a foot-high stack of library books.

Today, my favorite cafeteria worker guy was serving me my not-so-awesome sloppy joe, and I said my please and thank yous, and he just kinda stopped for a second and said "you know, you are just always happy, what's your secret to always having a good day?" and I didnt even know what to say, I just laughed and said I love life. He said "well, I like that, you're always smiling and that's impressive."
That made me happy.

I would looovvvee a different desk chair. These ones hurt a lot.

All my bracelets make me so happy. I need to buy string asap because about ten people want me to make them one.

I'm procrastinating to the maaaxx right now, I gotta stop this business.

Moral of the story, always get your homework done early, then you wouldn't have to fake as many smiles as I am right now. But don't get me wrong, I'm still one of the happiest people ever.

Life is gooooooooooood, decidedly.

I keep having WOW GOD IS AMAZING moments.

I've been talking to a friend who's struggling with her pace of life right now and dealing with frustrations with school and work and a lot of other things. I wrote her a letter yesterday and sent it today. Contained in that letter were some of the very words I saw her say TODAY after she prayed about her situation. It's amazing how God just re-emphasizes his love for us through simple, amazing things like conversations and letters. He loves us so much.

I ran three miles the other day and it felt wonnnnderful. My parents gave me new running shoes for my birthday and I just got them on Friday, so it was my first run in them. It was beautiful.

I had a ridiculous chemistry exam today. I stayed up until two in the morning to study for it. I was up by 7:30 to take it at 8. I think it went alright, but LITERALLY no one knew what the heck the last page was about. No one. Not even the thirty-some year old guy who's a real nurse didnt know what she meant. So we are all hoping that Dear Darling Professor Medhurst will be magical and just not count the last page because evvvvverybody bombed it. Fun stuff.

I have a B- in PHILOSOPHY. What the heeeeckkk? I took SO much philosophy in high school and now suddenly we have multiple choice tests about Plato and Descartes??? There is something really, really absurd about that. Give me a seminar table, not a fill in the bubble test.

It's a stunning Thursday. I really like Thursdays because I am done with classes by twelve fifteen and I only work from 2-4. It's a perfect little running window from 4-5 and then I can shower and be ready to eat by like 6. I just like Thursdays. Plus, outside is AMAZING. It was nasty and rainy and warm and humid yesterday and everywhere was HOT and stuffy and gross. But today is perfect, breezy, and crystal clear. I like it.

I got a paycheck in the mail today.
I mailed a package to my beautiful besty.
I successfully discussed a book I had never opened.
I tried a new kind of sushi.
I straightened my hair, and it looks weird.
I'm getting SO excited to see my family and friends at Thanksgiving. so excited.

I'm just grateful for everything today. I wish I had more time to get work done and not have to stress about registration deadlines and test grades right now, but hey, it all works out. No one got stuck in one place in their life forever because of a B- in philosophy or a late registration. At least not stuck very long. I have hope in me.
I have way too much sunshine and fiery fall trees to complain about anything.

I don't deserve her.

"you are beautiful. and amazing. and exactly what arlington needs, my friend. you are the sandpaper, the catalyst for change. like i said, satan doesn't want you to believe that. he wants you to think you aren't capable of sticking to yourself. but you ARE capable. bottom line. and you ARE sticking to yourself. and that is incredible." -Valerie Carnevale


I have an incredible best friend who always keeps me sane. I don't even know what to say, I am so blessed. Thank you for being absolutely, astoundingly amazing, Val.

We're gonna show this town how to kiss these stars

It's amazing outside, I'm looking out my window, and it's clear, absolutely see-through sunshine. Know what I mean? Sunshiney days can be hazy or whatever, but today is needle-sharp and whistle clear. I love it :) It's kinda chilly outside, but it's the kind of weather that makes you neverever wanna go inside. I'm obsessed with today.
Storytime!
So last night I was all depressed cause I had to study for a philosophy midterm and it was all shplahh and blahh and I didn't know what to study, and then my friends suggested we stargaze. WHATTT. okay, best idea on the PLANET. we took our backpacks out to the lacrosse/soccer field, laid down, and watched those stars. Apparently there was supposed to be a meteor shower, but the meteors were a lil shy. Aside from the lack of shooting stars, last night was bomb. It was freezing cold, no one was warm enough, we all snuggled under blankets with eachother and sang songs and had dance parties to "we speak no americano" and high school musical. It was a beautiful thing. And then boys started playing soccer, and there was kettle corn and chocolate milk and grasshopper cookies and blankets in a bag and michael jackson and footie pajamas and thermals. It was just a whole lot of fantastic nonsense, I love my friends.
After stargazing shenanigans, Jaime and I went to study for out midterm [keep in mind that its about 1:45am by this time]. We went to the honors lounge, dealt with some girls who apparently had nothing better to do than watch an elephant mating special on the discovery channel? That was awkward. Then we heart to hearted and vending machine adventured and facebook stalked AND got some studying done. It was priceless, like mastercard.
I GOT NEW RUNNING SHOES YESTERDAY!!!!
they have pink on them, which i totally thought wasn't my style but my mom said they're pretty. I think ANY spankin new pair of running shoes is pretty. I am so excited to break these babies in. I wanna keep track of how many miles I run in them. This is my second real pair of running shoes. My first pair is DONE, so worn out. They were my first pair of shoes I bought for the sole purpose of running. I fell in love with running in those shoes, it's a bittersweet goodbye. Hah, just kidding, they are old and nasty.
My mom's picking me up this afternoon and we're hanging out, going on a date, it's gonna be fuun. I love my mom, she is just the best, I'm so lucky. Today, my friendboys asked me if my mom was "cool like me" and I was like "whaaat?" and they said "you know, crazy, goofy, nice" and I said ohhhh yes, yes she is. She is way cooler than me. I don't know if anyone is cooler than my mom, for the sole reason that she knows how to love people better than I could ever hope to. She's a complete rockstar, I give her like a million points.
IM OUT. Imma go on a walk with Jaime because today is perfection.

Zero complaints, this life is way too awesome.

I'd like to be astounding like my best friend Valerie. Shoutout-- no matter what you're writing about, Valpants, your posts make me cry every time. No matter what.

Sometimes I let myself feel too much, I think. Is is dangerous to be so profoundly affected by everything around me? I'm starting to wonder. I ache for other people's problems and sometimes I don't even stop to examine my own. I just spend time trying to figure out why I FEEL the way I do, rather than acting on what my heart is asking me. There is always a reason. I may not know why I'm saddened by some of the behavior of people around me or confused when people can't understand me or feeling isolated even when I'm surrounded by infinity people who love me, but I do sometimes. I really do. But I'm not feeling this way for no reason, there's always God behind everything, every human experience. I've made a decision. When I doubt, I'm committing to love. It's the most real, unstoppable, omnipotent thing I know. To love is to be like God. How much more could I ask for? It doesn't cost anything, only the willingness of my heart and my mind. Such a gift, such an incredible gift, love. I was created to love unconditionally.

Every time I look at my wrists, I smile. They are FULL of bracelets. On my left wrist, I have 3 silly bands (a cow, a hippo and a flamingo, all from Valerie), a friendship bracelet from Heidi, one from Valerie, one from Jake and one from Simon. I'm also wearing my precious Peru bracelet from Valerie. On my right wrist I have friendship bracelets from Val, Gracie, and Roger. And a cool Jamaican one I bought for myself. My heart is happy because I carry my friends everywhere I go :]

I get to see my mom this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's kind of my best friend, and I haven't seen her since August 24th. I'm going to cry happy tears when she gets here.

Sometimes all I want to do is sing.
I'm having a really awkward hair day.
I have far too many post-it notes everywhere.
It just occurred to me that no one's going to wash my dishes for me so I prolly should.
I reeeeeallllly want to run outside today. It's a blustery, sunny, crispy fall day outside and I'm in love with it.
I played pickup soccer with about 20 boys the other night. I'm sore.
I'm considering making it free hug day. I think hugs are just the best, everyone should be getting them.
The fridge in my dorm has been completely empty for about two weeks.
I really appreciate thumb tacks.
I realized yesterday that I don't have a coat
Cardigans are the bomb dot com. Especially ones that are four dollars at goodwill.
Goal for the day: zero disappointment in myself. Today started off with a beautiful walk to my chem class, I offered my day to God, and it's gonna stay that way. Zero complaints, nothing but sunshine and love for this life. I got this.

The world gave me a hug today

I want to go apple picking right now.
Today is one of those days that when you step outside, you're immediately 5 years old again. It's '96 and you're in stretch pants and velcro shoes and your hair is crazy because you were running away when your mom was trying to pull it back into a ponytail. You're wearing a too-colorful windbreaker and it doesn't ever match anything. You're outside your white house with the black mailbox and the sound of leaf blowers is everywhere. The leaves are so many colors, and they're everywhere, and the smell is all fall and pumpkins and cold ears and tree forts and jumping in leaf piles with a snotty nose. Stepping outside today took me back to being little, and I loved that.
Days like today just make me want to lie down, in a field, in sweatpants and a huge hoodie, even though I'm not quite warm enough, and watch the sky. I don't care if my nose is cold or my cheeks are red or my eyes are watery. I just want the flood of colorful trees to be above my eyes in every direction, and the airplanes lines to draw pictures in between them, and the smell of fall surrounding me. I love today.
So, my agenda for the next few weeks, a sort of october-november bucket list, if you will, is as follows:
Go apple picking! Somehow, somewhere. It's just necessary.
Have a bonfire. My soul needs bonfiring.
Make pumpkin bread or pumkin pie!
CARVE PUMPKINS
buy boots, because it's starting to be the time when flip flops stop being socially acceptable no matter how far I push the envelope.

It's a beautiful day, don't you dare let it get away without you letting it give you a hug. Because if you stop and appreciate it, that's actually what it feels like. The world gave me a hug today.

No one is a failure who has friends.

I am so lucky to have such amazing friends who drive me to their house at 2 in the morning and give me pep talks about life and give me cupcakes and still love me even though i'm a complete psycho sometimes and will talk to me on the phone for hours just 'cause i need it and who constantly remind me how amazing my life is and will sit outside with me in the blustery weather and bond over caramel corn and let me sit in their dorms when I'm locked out and most of all just love me.
I am so loved. And it astounds me.
I need sleep, I don't feel well, I have homework to do but I'm completely peaceful right now. God has put so many incredible people in my life and he has been so attentive to me through them lately. Here are some shout outs to people who have been amazing lately;
Mom, Valerie, Jaime, Katrina, Emily, Jake, Rachel, Chelsea, Ashaunte, Mike, Jonathan, Jordan, Johanna, Renee, Katie, Liz, Becca, and the little lady from PNC! And a gazillion others that I just dont have time to list.
I am the luckiest, this life is so rad.

Jesus=little South American Lady bank teller? Probably.

I am living my life like it's shot from a gun. Jason Aldean knows what he's singing about in his song "On My Highway." I feel like the yellow lines on my highway fade from time to time. Right now, going straight is really difficult. I feel like if life was a car, I'd be a really sleepy driver behind the wheel, constantly nodding my head, trying to stay alert. I'm kind of struggling. My head is so full of ideas and thoughts and experiences that I have and haven't had and words and letters I want to write and conversations I need to have and papers I need to write and songs I want to sing and poems I want to write and work that I need done and runs I haven't run but need to so badly. My mind is a jigsaw puzzle that just got knocked off the dining room table, and now I'm all jumbled and it feels like I'm the kindergartner sitting crisscross applesauce on the floor trying to put it all back together. Haha, that's actually exactly how I feel. But ya want to hear a cool story? Okay here goes:
So yesterday I went to the bank to make some deposits. Keep in mind what I just said before about feeling like a compromised mess for so many unknown reasons. I walked into the doors at PNC and this little South American lady was at the desk to greet me. The first thing she said was "My goodness, aren't you lovely." It took me a little off guard but I thanked her a lot. We kept talking as she was doing my paperwork and I told her that I was from Indiana and that living in DC was so much different from home because it's so full of soo many different kinds of people, etc. She asked me where I went to school and what I was studying. I told her that I went to Marymount and I'm studying nursing. She kind of stopped what she was doing for a second and looked at me and said "you know... I could kind of tell. Right when you walked in, I saw it in your lovely face and in your eyes that you love to help people. It's such a gift, that's so good. You know, when you're sick, and you wake up and see a face like yours, you know you're going to be okay." I was kind of shocked, but in a good way. I said something like "oh my gosh, thank you so much! That's so encouraging, I really appreciate you saying that!" Then she went on to say this, which is my main lkjabkfdnskWOW part of the story. She said, "Mary, don't let this area change you. It tends to change people, but don't you let it change you. You're here for so much good, never lose sight of who you are, never forget yourself because you have so much to give as yourself." WHAT? Okay, this is my BANK TELLER, not a priest, not a best friend, not a counselor, she's my bank teller! I can't even tell you how amazed and grateful beyond belief I was. After thanking her and hugging her, I walked out of the bank with misty eyes. I am here for so much good. To let myself change, to let myself be negatively affected by where I am would be an incredible loss for so many reasons. I am blessed with this life, this crazy, wild, tie-dye of opportunities to breathe, create, help and serve, learn and grow, and BECOME more myself. What a gift we're given. What a sadness to lose sight of it. I am here to be challenged. This life is not supposed to be easy. We are meant to question ourselves because it makes us stronger in our convictions to be who we are called to be. Who else am I other than Mary Christeta, a nineteen year old freshmen nursing major at Marymount University from South Bend Indiana who spent 18 years of her life becoming who I am called to be to other people. MYSELF. No one else. Thank you bank teller lady for, in the ten minutes it took to make my deposit, completely blowing my mind with the simplicity of your message-- I can't let being here change who I am because I am here to be myself, grow as myself, and become a better me.
This is random, but I was on the phone with my mom outside the library, and I kept hearing this terrifying yelling sound, and I thought it was just some girls goofing around, but when I got off the phone, this girl walking to the library stopped me as i was walking and pointed to my left. I looked over and there was a fox. But not just any fox. A scary, rabid fox making scary rabid noises, and its scary rabid self was stumbling towards me. I ran into the library and warned people about it. Hahahah that was my adventure for the day. Ah...
I have homework that I'm putting off. I'm still not completely myself today, but I'm trying.

For Linden

if you've ever tried to lace fingers with the rain,

to unwind a riptide,

to count the echoes in a team of canyoned voices,

 then maybe the fatigue and distress of helplessness has carved a line in your brow, smeared your countenance concave down, like mine. 

for in this life, I've pounded in my steps, let them seep into others lives like melted concrete,

molded again. 

windswept by vicarious experience, hearing others words like they always pertain to me. 

some call it sympathy , some call it carelessness.

i call it love, i call it living. 

but, when the days of another are cut unexpectedly short 

suddenly, heart-wrenchingly gone 

like water swallowing an anchor,,, where does my heart lie? 

in words no longer spoken but left up to me to be remembered.

 

this ache, this persistent longing to give up, to fall onto the foundation i've welded myself to 

is my opportunity, my challenge. 

i will rise, not fall. 

she is gone, but her words stay, welded with me in this life.

i will draw her example in color, 

i will live affected, affecting others. 

Contagious was your love, and it won't die, because i heard you.

Just Live Your Life

So I've decided that chocolate milk solves all of my problems. Well, chocolate milk, country music, and fantastic friends. I mean, really. Spending $1.80 on a lil box of chocolate milk from the bookstore food section completely turned my day around, then driving in Jonathan's car with the windows down and country blasting juust really made me realize how much there is to love about today.
I woke up, that's something, yeah?
I have friends EVERYWHERE and i don't know what I'd do without them
I got to spend several hours with my best friendboy Dillon yesterday and it made my liife.
I got cookies in the mail from my brother William yesterday and it was adorable and so nice :)
I woke up on Liz's floor yesterday morning and we had an adventure morning trying to find somewhere that could give us cereal. Then we ate it under a tree, and it was magical.
I have wonderful parents who want so much for me and take such good care of whatever I need.
I'm alive.
That's it... I'm alive, I'm here, I'm awake and breathing and I can see this perfect amazing sky that didn't have to be here for us to see, but it IS and it's amazing. I can hear and talk and smile and laugh and learn and forget and eat and sleep. Being alive is one very cool thing if you ever stop to think about it for a while. You can DO ANYTHING. How freeing is that? Think about it.

I spent some time by myself in my school's chapel today. I had just gotten off the phone with my mom because I was trying to discern whether or not I should come to South Bend for Mrs. McShane's funeral. I would miss too many classes that I can't afford to miss, so I decided to stay here. I can't even tell you how upset I am that i can't be there to celebrate her life with EVERYONE I know and love. I was tearing up on the phone, and I was sitting outside, and I hate crying in front of people, so I walked to the chapel to be alone, just me and Jesus hahah. I picked up a bible that was sitting there and immediately my eyes fell on Matthew 6:19-21.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasure in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroy, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, also will your heart be."
I am heartbroken by the death of Mrs. McShane. But this verse made me think about the fact that her time on earth, all of our times on earth, are MEANT to be temporary. They are just the BEGINNING of a beyond-comprehension, beautiful treasure of life after death that we have to look forward to. Mrs. McShane has that, and I want to rejoice with her and for her. Her time on earth was a beautiful one because she impacted so many people with her selfless faith and her willingness to serve. i know that were she alive and here right now, she'd tell me to go do my chemistry homework and not whine about not being able to go to her funeral. I know she'd be cheering for me. So even though I'm on the sidelines 600 miles away, I'll be cheering with everyone else for how wonderful her life was, and just how much she meant to us. Mrs. McShane, rest in peace, I love you so much!

Life is beautiful and good today. The sun is bright and clean, the air feels cool and silky on my face and the day is mine to capture, cherish, and live.

Rescued

Conversations with Valerie Shesmagicalbecauseshealwaysknowswhattosay Carnevale always turn around my day and encourage me so much. I am so grateful for my best friend.

Scatterbrained

I slept through my alarm, didn't shower, stumbled to work reaaallllyyy late, and my eyes are halfway closed because I didn't have coffee and i did not get enough sleep. Such was the start to my Monday.
I ate a pop tart for breakfast. I don't even like pop tarts.
Some people exaggerate about "looking disgusting" when they're having off days, but really, no exaggeration, I actually look disgusting today.
My phone is going to die today and I won't have enough time to charge it before im off campus.
Yesterday, I missed the shuttle bus by like 30 seconds and i watched him pull ou. I was so bummed, but then i saw that the shuttle was stopped at a stoplight in front of the school, so I raaaaaan to the shuttle while the light was still red, and knocked on the door of the shuttle for the driver to let me in. The driver looked me straight in the face while i was knocking, didnt say or do anything, waiting for about ten more seconds while i was asking to be let in, and HE DROVE AWAY, leaving my in the middle of Glebe road, in traffic. So for that, Mr. Shuttle man, I do NOT thank you, because I could have been run over and it would have been on your conscience. I really just don't appreciate you very much.
I got chocolate milk from McDonalds yesterday. It was SUCH a good life decision.
Tonight I'm going to Jonathan's house with all of my boys and his mom is making us dinner. I'm so excited!

I am so profoundly saddened by the death of Mrs. McShane. Anyone who was her student or friend knew how completely selfless she was. She never put herself before others. I remember one time in particular when I was a sophomore in high school and i was horrible at chemistry. There was one day in the midle of november, it was close to Thankgiving break, and she stayed after school with me and sat with me as I did my homework, painstakingly slowly. She was just there in case I had questions, and we stayed after school until almost 6pm. She drove me all the way home too. Mrs. McShane was a constant cheerleader, consolation in stressful times [college deadline stress was always eased when Mrs McShane popped her head out of the office and called you over for a hug and words of wisdom], and just a beautiful, beautiful person. It breaks my heart that I couldn't say goodbye. But oh how grateful I am. I am so blessed to have known her, she helped me grow and become who I am and helped shape who I will be in the future. Mrs. McShane, you're in heaven already and you are so profoundly happy, I am so joyful for you.

Words from a friend.

A friend told me this today and it made me feel sooo free:

"You have so much time. And right now, you have this AMAZING chance to be wildly loved and relentlesssssly pursued by GOD, the most incredible significant other ever."

Whaaaaaaaat?! Okay talk about cool perspectives, this one blew my mind. To think of God being your significant other never occurred to me before! But think about it... your significant other is first and foremost, SOMEONE. Someone you have a physical and mental relationship with! That, even that primary, foundational concept is cool when you think about it being God. So in addition to having a close, deep relationship with him, HE FEELS THE SAME WAY. God pursues ME. God loves ME. I am his, he is mine! HOLY COW, have you ever realized that?? God is my creator, my savior, my teacher, my friend, my father, my shoulder, my everything. Nothing should feel lacking in me, because he can complete it. HOW FREE AM I? Gosh. I wish people felt this. It's love. All around, no loopholes, no funny business, selfless, complete love. It's why I breathe, it's why I speak, laugh, eat, sing, run, be. HIS LOVE is my life. God relentlessly pursues me through this life that I live. How can I not return his love? Who am I to EVER be dissatisfied with anything when I have been given an entire life of adventures to live? Life is not supposed to be rainbows and candycorn all the time, I know that. But when I start to get discouraged about things in my life that shouldn't matter and that will resolve with time, I'm not doing myself any favors! Why linger in a mess you create yourself when you can keep discovering new beauties, sunsets, faces, expressions, viewpoints and trees to climb. I want to scream, beg people not to waste this adventure by closing their eyes.
Pursue me, Lord. After all, I'm yours.

Adventures.

Lalalala sdkjkdsjfdsknkj <-- that's how I would describe my life right now. Because despite the fact that I am pretty happy, I feel like I'm in a dryer on the tumble setting right now. Life is moving one clumsy step at a time, but wt the same time its a total whirlwind full of lights, darks, and a little bit of fabric softener.
My weekend was really good, and it started off really well with going out to dinner with Becca :) I love Becca-time, she keeps me so sane. We philosophize, nerd out, freak out, swap stories, ad lib poetry and people watch. It's a beautiful thing. You wish YOU had a Becca to be your sister.
Now.. Saturday was a different story. You see, I got a call a few weeks ago to do a babysitting job. I thought yes! Great! Money!! I took them up on it. The family lives a few miles away in Arlington, and I sat for them once before, so I was pretty confident about going there again. However, I didn't know HOW i was going to get there yet, because last time they picked me up, and this time they wouldnt be able to get me. I figured I could definitely find ways of transportation, so whatever. Well, my friend Katrina was a gem and drove me there in the morning which was wonnnderful. I had a great day with the kids. They are adorable! Their names are Elizabeth (4) and Henry (2), and they are about the cutest, smartest, most hilariously happy children in the entire world. Elizabeth loves rainbow colors, tie-dye, coloring and making jewelry [can you see why we get along?], and Henry LOVES the color purple, talks soo much, and never stops drooling or smiling. They make me laugh and i love them!
So I babysit from 9-2, and when 2 rolls around, I still haven't figured out any kind of ride back to campus so I thought hey! I'm not that far away! I'll just walk! .... HAH.
[2 hours later, I was definitely still walking]. Needless to say, I got a liiiittle bit lost. I'd like to thank the very friendly man in the Exon station who gave me vague, half-in-english, but helpful nevertheless directions back towards Lee hwy and Glebe. I'd like to NOT thank campus safety because you definitely didnt call a shuttle to pick me up from Wood Lee Arms [the apartments that a lot of Marymount people live at that I magically stumbled upon while walking] and caused me to sit at a bus stop for 45 minutes for a bus that was never going to arrive. I would like to thank the Starbucks i hit up and the venti iced skim extra caramel macchiato that boosted my mood from very grumpy to moderately put off. I'd like to say sorry to the hole I burned in my pocket paying for that drink.
On to Sunday. I slept in, had a beautiful breakfast, cleaned my room like a pro, went on a gorgeous 3.5 mile run and encountered some really large hills, took a shower, ate dinner, went to mass, and studied for hours for my Chemistry midterm that was this morning. I think it went well! Pleeease Jesus.
This morning, after having gone to bed at almost 3 in the morning, the fire alarms week everyone up at 5:30. JOY. That was not an ideal start to my Monday, but whaaatever. I wasn't a happy child this morning.
But I have hot chocolate!
and a BIG hoodie!
and sweatpants!!!
and a.... lot of things that I can't think of.
Happy studying to everyone who has midterms like meee :]

FRIDAY, you're my favorite.

Sooooo.... hm. Today I definitely slept through my 9:30am philosophy class. That was a bummer, it was a total accident. Thennn I had a sociology mideterm and I actually think i owned. I was so happy cause I started studying for it yesterday. Not recommended by the way. Horrible idea. But all in all, it is such a good day. The weather is absolutely perfect in every way. It's about 73 degrees, sunny and breezy. Amaaazing fall day, I feel so loved by God today. He's just taking care of me so well.
Right now I am sitting in my room, about to watch an episode of Glee [shhh don't tell] and Emily is crashed on my bed because she didnt sleep last night, agaainn. That girl amazes me with how long she can go without sleep. She's sleeping like a baby now though :)
I would LOVE a slurpee right now. Just saying.
I think I'm going out with Becca later tonight! Can I just say how much I looove having a sister live here? It feels like Christmas.
My desk is so messy. Wanna know 5 objects that are easily accessible to me right now?
1. a water jug
2. a mr. coffee box
3. 3 [yes, 3] desk lamps
4. a pack of 200 coffee filters
5. about 3 rolls of duct tape

you WISH you lived in my dorm room.

Glee is fantastic solely because I love hearing people with legitimately good voices. I miss singing. I wanna rock out alll the time, sing soo loudly, but now I have to worry about "disturbing the neighbors." Plus I'm totally self conscious about people hearing me. Bah. Singing really is the best though, I love it.
sunshine, gum wrappers, open windows, ponytail, leftover makeup, flip flops, loving life, want to shout out loud how awesome today feels. I'm alive, I am loved, life is myyy favorite.

and yes I am aware of the abundance of typos in my last post. I decided to let them be, they looked happy and weren't hurting anyone.

Bahh Humbug.

Today is slate gray, rainy, depressing, The air is really dense, i feel like if i swished a knife through the air, I would see the slit that I cut. It looks like is should be cold, but as always, this Arlington weather is bipolar and unpredictable. It's muggy and warm with a baby breeze. I want my fall to be here.
If i could describe how today felt, I'd probably say it was like unsalted popcorn. It wasn;t necessarily horrible, I was fine. But there was nothing extra about it, nothing delicious [except the french toast slice i had at 7:30am], nothing spectacular. Just bland. Just the sound of wind between the buildings and being annoyed by too much rain puddle soaking my shoes and seeping up my pant leg on my way to class. Today felt heavy.
I stayed up all night writing a paper. That's probably why.

I ache for summertime again. I want bare feet, bonfiring, singing along badly to someone who knows how to play guitar. I want one of those summer night when you're driving home and you're racing to beat your curfew, your windows are down and the stars are extra bold because the sky is pitch black, almost blue. Blasting country music on empty roads, just you. I love to drive alone, it's so freeing. I think whe I drive, pray when I drive, rock out when I drive, and nevvver wear shoes when i drive. I recently found out that driving barefoot is illegal in Indiana? Who knew? I think that is a superfluous and useless law and a waste of legislation. Let the drivers be barefoot! I can feel the pedals under my feet a whole lot better anyway. Ah, I miss driving a lot. It's one of the things I'm most excited for when I go home. I lovelove to drive.
sdkjbjds. I haven't run in a week. Maybe that's part of why I've been feeling restless. Running really does keep me sane.. maybe I'll hit the gym for a study break later tonight. Cause, oh yeah, I have a midterm tomorrow that I thought wasn't until next Tuesday. Don't you love it when that happens?
I'm going to go meet Jaime girl for dinner, I'm starrving. Hopefully they have good food today?
Happy Thursday, it's almost the weekend. Almost.

Homesick.

I should be doing soooo many things right now. Like writing my paper that's due tomorrow. Or studying for finals. Or sleeping? But I'm at work, so I have at least a little bit of an excuse for blogging right now.
Today I woke up at approximately 11:49am.
I ate macaroni and cheese and a cannoli in the cafeteria today. It was magical.
I wrote an introduction for my Plato's Symposium essay and it's more than halfway decent. I'd say its pretty all the way decent.
It's raining today. But it's not depressing rain, it's fall rain. I feel like there should be a Notre Dame football game going on, and I should have stick on tattoos on my cheeks and a big hoodie on. I should be at a tailgate eating way too much taco dip and hearing the marching band and loving the smell of beer and charcoal grills and saying hi to so many people I don't know and trying to get free tickets 5 minutes before kickoff. Can you tell I'm missing home today? Fall weather makes me ache for South Bend and tailgating and the smell of burning leaves in my neighborhood and driving past MSA soccer games in Bohem Park. I do, I miss home a lot today.
I want some realllllly fuzzy socks, my living room sofa, my mom cooking dinner, my brothers fighting way too loudly over who gets the computer my brother watching football and getting really upset about the scores and i want a glass of red wine.
yep. all of that. because it's the best. and i miss it.

okaayyyy good things about being here right now
im learning a ton! about schoolwork and about myself and how to act and how to deal with other people.
the food is good today
i have sooooooooooooo many wonderful amazing hilarious friends. they make me so happy :)
I have a job!
I'm alive

wow I'm bad at the grateful game today. I need to work on that...
I eally am a happyhappy person. Life is grand, i love it so much. It's forever full of smiles and conversations and best friends and unexpected hugs and daymaking surprises and hoodies and slippers and sooooooooooo much love. I am so loved.

It's a beautiful day. Don't let it get away.

Today finally feels like fall. Despite lacking a sufficient amount of sleep, I feel so happy about today. I was awakened (this is probably strike three) by the fire alarm today while I was about 20 minutes into a nap and it felt like the first time I was told that Santa wasn't real. I just laid there in disbelief until my desire not to get fined for staying in the building trumped my disappointment. Unbelievable. People, please read the correct amount of time you need to pop you popcorn for, or take time to notice the big red signs that say "do not open, door alarmed" on the doors that are, in fact, ALARMED. Okay that was my rant for the day.
I think I aced my philosophy quiz today!
I missed my sociology class :(
I gave a powerpoint today and I didn't die!
I need to write a paper by thursday... motivated? never.
Am I at work right now? Why yes, yes I am. Sitting at the front desk doing nothinnnng. I have 35 minutes till dinnertime. I am sooo excited. I had a waffle this morning and it was suuuuch a good decision. You know what's dumb? The cereal selection in the dining hall has been the same six cereals since I've been here. Golden Grahams, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Nature Vally granola, Cocoa Puffs, Lucky Charms, and Cheerios. I'M TIRED OF THEM! I don't mind cocoa puffs and lucky charms staying around, but have yall ever heard of wheaties? raisin bran? frosted mini wheats? I'm tellin ya what,they need to step up their game...
I did it. I spent money on clothes yesterday. It was a necessary measure, and I'm glad I did it, but it was almost physically painful to spend that much. And it wasn't even that much. bah humbug. Why does money exist? I would LOVE to resurrect the barter system. You give me a toga, I give you a goat, we call it even.
Today I am grateful for
New pants
Caffeine
Positive attitudes
Food
Sleep appreciation [cause even though I have no sleep in me, I'm still grateful it exists because it's suuuuch a beautiful thing.]
Internet
Pens that click. Because when they aren't clicky pens, i always lose the cap.

People watching makes for fantastic procrastinating.

Are you jealous that I'm listening to VIVALDI on pandora, "writing" a paper about cigarette advertising during the great depression, drinking a venti iced coffee, all the while facing a huuuuge window that looks out on the street and sidewalk? hahhaha I would be. Because do you know how many hilariously odd people walk around? soooo many. I am thoroughly entertained. I think this is legitimate study time because not only am i filling my head with classical music, I'm stepping back to appreciate the cultures I'm surrounded by! Oh life, you're fantastic.
On the other foot, I have to ride the red line metro today. and I'm kind of scared about that.
I need to stop procrastinating. I wish it wasn't so much stinkin fun.

Raining on a Sunday.

There are soo many post it notes stuck on my desk and my corkboard, i feel like i abuse their purpose. I have given up refilling my water bottle every second and started to just drink from the gallon i bought the other day. Golden grahams should not be legal because they aren't even yummy, but i LOVE them. I think I am now officially known on campus as "Feeks" and it makes my heart happy. I have two papers to write today and I WILL finish them. Lately I have lacked motivation so heyguesswhat? Im going on a RUNNNNN today, and I'm excited about it. I have a headache, but i don't caaare! I use a Mr. Coffee box to put my fan on top of so that I can feel it when I'm on my bed [top bunk]. I feel innovative and clever. I don't understand the weather here because yesterday it was 90 degrees and sunny and today it is sixty and rainy. Whadddaheck? Lately I've been mopey. Why? I don't know, but it's LAME and I need to stop. 5 reasons not to be mopey:
- I don't need to take a shower until tonight
- It's hoodie weather
- I have cool friends
- I'm listening to the Dirty Heads
- Public transportation exists.
Do you notice a theme in what I talk about all the time? I feel like I do a lot of convincing myself that being lame is sooo lame. Which is true, being lame is totally dumb. I don't really know why I'm talking about that. Bottom line, being dumb is dumb so don't be.
I want to jump rope and color with sidewalk chalk and hear church bells and climb trees and blow bubbles and run around in my bare feet and build a tree fort and sing really loudly and be obnoxious and go to church and sit quietly and write letters and talk to everyone and be inspiring and sit on a roof and watch a sunset and eat an orange while reading Dostoevsky and build my vocabulary and smoke on a back porch and talk about God and pray for people and run until i can't and be who I want to be and who God means me to be and I want to shout so loudly about how loved I feel and how much I love and I want people to cry with the freedom that I feel, I want them to discover how to breath, how to think and how to talk to Jesus as a friend. I hope to be all of this, I want to do everything, be moved by ordinary things, inspire people, make a difference in just one life, peel myself from the mold of low expectations, I want to be challenged and heard and I want to work to understand my world.
I refuse to let myself be restless.
Patience, hold my shoulders. Conscience, keep my eyes forward. Mind, focus. Imagination, color outside the lines. Heart, never stop. Spirit, stay on fire. Faith, you are so difficult to have but so easy to feel, keep me breathing and keep me wondering, I want to stay hungry for what my eyes can't see. God you are love and your love is my life, keep teaching me how to love you back with how I live it. Peace, reign over me.

a;slmc;lsamdfckjs

Ever have it when you're completely energetic and normal, then as soon as you sit down to do anything whether it's homework or facebook, you feel like your face smacks a wall of sleepy? I am SO tired, I'm falling asleep in this chair, and it's not comfy. I;m in the library trying to write a paper, and I keep dozing in the middle of my sentences. Inconvenient.
wow this is going to be random.

Fairies can be purple or blue
they spit gold in your face and tell you it glitters
but what do you say?
Mud bathed beauty is no less appealing
in fact it takes the strong to uncover its wealth.
Hands, be sturdy, no shaking, no hesitation
Breath, be easy, be measured, free yourself
Mind, be unaffected by fairy-lit apologies and
grotesquely brown sugared spitballs.
I'll let my heart draw the lines and my feet fill in the empty curves between,
I'll learn barefoot, stuck, awake, in quick sand, swallowed, uncomfortable,
but real.

hahahahha NERDNERDNERD. this is mary in stress-out mode. I think that poem was about not letting things like popularity, fake personalities, or the "easy way out," replace what it means to actually learn. Learning is not supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be dirty, muddy, uncomfortable and humbling. Take off your shoes, throw away worries about others judging you and FREE yourself to learn. Learn to be yourself in front of others, learn how to learn in the classroom, learn how to live by living.
this probably makes noooooooooo sense because i sound like I'm trying to rewrite the proverbs. I just need caffeine like nooobody's business. not excited for my chem 8am. BAH. life, keep rocking and ill stop complaining.
crazy love, even though Im grumpy.

Should I do this every day? I think so.

Wow sooo today... I had a revelation. IMSOGRATEFUL. For sooo many things. like... think about HOW MUCH you have. For real. Right now, stop. THINK. That's one thing, you can think. About ANYTHING. That is the coolest ability ever! You are 100% youuu in your head and in your heart, and NO ONE can take that away from you. But back to the main point, today on my ridiculously hot, hard run I thought. A lot. And I discovered some things I'm grateful for.
--Sunshine! Escaping the dorm/classrooms and just being outside.
--My fan. It saves my life, i love it.
--Clean socks!
--Crayons. And coloring books. Because yes, I did spend about 30 minutes by myself coloring last night.
--Skype! I love having ways to stay connected to my friends.
--FRIENDS. Oh my gosh this is a big one. I have found so many people lately who are soooo rad, and they think I'M rad, and I can't get over it! I have so many friends and it makes me SO happy! I can't believe how much God has blessed me lately with so many conversations and faces and amazing people!
--The McNichol's back porch, youtube, and Becca Feeks.
--RUNNING. So much happiness, so much freedom.
--Having a cell phone. Because I cannot imagine trying to maneuver my life without one right now.
--Letters! I love writing them and I love getting them! Letter writing is a lost art, people. Seriously, take advantage of the postal system, it is soo rad.
--Flip flops. People may judge me, but I wear them 24/7. And if I lost them, I'd die.
--Libraries. They are soooo helpful when used properly :)
--Friends who have actually had labs in high school and know what the heck a bunson burner does.
--$.99 gallons of spring water from cvs.
--Public transportation!
--water coolers
--futons!
--waffle irons
--COFFEE
--duct tape. It can be used for sooooo many things! i.e. lint roller.

I am sooooooooooooooooooo hungry. I am at work, I have been here since 3:00, and I have approximately 14 minutes left o the clock. I didn't have lunch because I was on run then realized that oh yeah showering after a run is definitely what i need to do, soooo when all was said and done, I had no time to eat. boooo. I'm so excited for dinner!
My run today was a beautiful thing. I woke up, felt inspired, I have no idea how long my run was but it was difficult and hot. I was exhausted afterward. You know that deep ache after you've pushed through a really hard workout and you can just feel yourself getting stronger even though you feel weak? Yeah. I love that. Pain is weakness leaving the body! I cannnooot wait to get new running shoes though. Mine have seen better days, and it is time to give them a proper burial. I'm kind of emotionally attached to the shoes i have now because they were my first pair of running shoes that I had when i got obsessed with running. I've run soooo many miles in those sneakers.
I love to sing so much and I'm preetyyyyy sure I annoy everyone I'm around all the time because there is allllways a song in my head.
If you could have a movie about your life, what songs would be on the soundtrack? Such a legit question, think about it.
TEN MINUTES. The countdown has begun. I'm so excited.
PEACE [one day late]

Stoplights and Intersections. And Party Depot.

OVERFLOWING. My life is completely overflowing with sooo many cool things!! Friendship bracelets and friends who made them, borrowed hoodies, climbing trees in the dark, bonding time with new amazing people, phone calls, sleepovers, bathrobes, birthday cake, so much laughter venting sessions, learning more about myself and about other people, philosophy, sociology, and miserably elementary writing assignments. They're all making my life a huuuuge bundle of party balloons, a huge joy. I'm so happy about who I am and where I am. I feel like as I start to get used to it here, I will start to find out how God wants to use me here. Because I'm not at Marymount University, a tiny Catholic school that no one knows about, all the way from Indiana, for no reason at all. God gave me the resources and mind to get the amazing scholarships I did, and he paved the way so clearly for me to be here. I want to know why. I see so many new faces every day. Ive met people who feel like their lives are void of something important, like they haven't lived for SOMETHING, they've only lived for themselves. I want them to experience what I have. I want them to be able to see what I am able see every day in every face. Opportunity. Opportunity to be my absolutely lit on fire with life, love every second because there's no reason not to ME. I want them to feel the richness I feel because of deep friendships and the trust and honesty and self-awareness that comes along with them. I want people to see what they're missing out on. God, keep giving me opportunities. I want to keep loving without being scared and without being disappointed. Keep me fearless.
I went to "Party Depot" with two friends the other day. I could LIVE in that store.
It was my friend Chelsea's birthday today! We decided to surprise her and strategically place 18 balloons around campus, each balloon with a different gift. It was stressful success! We have such cool friends to stand in 18 different places on campus holding balloons. Yay! I am soooo full of birthday cake right now.
I'm in the library... "studying." I mean, we even took the birthday cake with us. Chelsea and Emily are playing with photobooth and giggling up a storm, Jaime is secretly recording videos behind our backs and I am giggling and "blogging" because this is way too much fun. Waaaayy too much fun to study. I have an 8am class tomorrow, what? BRANG IT.
TODAY:
I jammed out to Justin Beiber songs on the capital beltway with the windows down.
I chased my shuttle until it got to an intersection and then I knocked on the door for the driver to let me in.
I bought a snapple for myself and two huge cookies for someone from somewhere called "Mary's Cafe"
I took a shower at 2:40, got dressed and was on time to my 3:00 job.
I rapped in a library study and got a shout out from a guy who was wearing the same pajama pants as me. win.

Today was a good day, now I have to go write and essay, do a chem quiz, fill out a study guide, and read the whole book of job.

Oh heyyyyy life! I just remembered how much you rockk.

Okay soooo..... ten facts about my life right now:

1. I get called a hippie at LEAST once a day. I haven't figured out if that's a good or bad thing, but people seem to like me, so I'll take it.

2. I figured out that "taking a walk" on campus consists of about four and a half minutes of pleasant scenery until it starts to repeat itself.

3. I can make it from my dorm to my workplace in approximately 2 minutes, depending on how many people are crossing the street.

4. Air conditioner units are soooo nice.

5. Coloring should be used by psychiatrists as a stress relief technique.

6. Letter writing keeps me sane.

7. When the elevator breaks, you realize how pathetic you are when you complain about taking a few flights of stairs.

8. I went running at five** in the morning with one of my friends and the stars were BREATH TAKING, I was so grateful to be alive this morning.

9. FALL IS ALMOST HERE! It was hoodie weather today.

10. I just realized how compleeeeeeeeetely in love with life I am. IT'S SO FUN! despite chemistry and having to smush the odyssey into two discussion days. I miss Trinity seminar. Fact.

I LOVE EVERYTHING. you should too, it's wayyy more fun than moping. Go eat a cliff bar, I did.

Livingg

College is a whirlwind of figuring stuff out. Never in my life have I had to do soooo much figuring stuff out. From classrooms to bus schedules, metro stops, dining hall hours, doors that aren't alarmed, meeting new people, being myself, doing my homework, having fun, running enough, and working, it's been crazy. But good crazy. I'm starting to love the ebb-and-flow of this campus. So many people commute! The weekdays are buzzing with people, and by dinnertime, it slows down and gets super chill. Some people hate it, I think I kinda like it :]
I'm working my first ever job shift today! I'm doing secretary work... answering phones. It would be awesome if I didn't lose my voice almost completely this week. hahahaha those poor people on the other line tryin to figure out what I'm sayin... Oh well.
I'm HUNGRY. I have mastered the art of using public transportation. I know how to ward off people on the street who "are five dollars short of the big mac they want to buy" [because big macs are pretty pricey these days?], I have experienced the whole get-woken-up-out-of-a-dead-sleep-because-we-have-a-fire-drill thing, annnnnd I made friends with the cafeteria lady. It's pretty radddd.
I gotta go, but more lata!