Mumford and Sons- "Sigh No More." Listen to it, and be happy.

sunlight beams burst in my eyes
and i see light beams in black-infested skies

well my heart isn't pure
but it's known by something deeper
who sees the blackness and the light collide

crying, my heart is crying
because it was made to love in the blackness,
set free because of the sun amongst the blackness.

smattered in the mud of our feet
upside down covered in ash soot and filthy street
we learn to be blind in the blackness.

but when my sun-battered eyes, weak yet trying
see through the film of the world that is lying
i am whole in an impure heart that is
willing.

made to be
made to love
made to meet our maker.

are you free?




I just had the best hour-long "car porch" with my beautiful sister Becca. I swear, it's like whenever i need it the most, she always brings up the right things to talk about and do that leave me feeling completely myself again. The world is right even if i have three finals left and im getting sick and I'm tired and homesick and confused about stuff. I think the only way the world makes sense is if you figure out why you're here with the people you're with. I think we are supposed to love. Becca and I were listening to the band Mumford and Sons and they have an ohmygosh-worthy song called "sigh no more," which inspired the poem above. Here are the lyrics that floored me:

Sigh no more, no more
One foot in sea, one on shore
My heart was never pure
And you know me
And you know me

Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be.
There is a design,
An alignment to cry,
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be.

When I heard the last verse, I was honestly speechless because I think about that ALL THE TIME. Love will not betray you, dismay you, or enslave you, it will SET YOU FREE because in loving, we are being who we were made to be. We are not perfect, our hearts are not pure, but the beauty of love is that it unites us with our maker, simultaneously making us free and who we are supposed to be. Only love, that is the only way to live. I've really been trying to love lately. Love is one of the most difficult, if not the most difficult thing I think we all have to do. Love in its raw and unadorned form is brutal, it's exhausting, and at some points completely belittling. Loving people, I have often found, results in being lonely sometimes. Because when you understand how selfless love works, you give so much of yourself to other people who don't understand you. Love is not immediately fired back at you. Sometimes when you give so much of yourself for other people, you're left feeling empty and worse than before. That's when you have to realize that love is not a trap. It's not an enslavement and love will never leave you alone. Because we were created by the SOURCE of love. God made us to love. It's a gift to understand that, and even more of a gift to be able to live how we were ought. Love should not dismay you, will not betray you or enslave you, because love SETS YOU FREE. It's freedom in its purest form. How free am I, that I can love, I can share myself, my heart and my mind with the WORLD, and not be burdened by waiting for something in return. Love alone is a reminder that I am not alone. I am never alone when I choose to be free.

I love to watch the world. Have you ever actually watched the sun set? Or noticed when the light glints off the top of a building or behind a bus stop bench? I love the world, I hope I never lose the awe I have for what we're given.

Becca Feeks did not have to drive all the way to Marymount today to see me. But she did. And when I got in the car, she handed me a bag and said "it's a survival kit." Yes, sir. In that bag there was beef jerky, twizlers, a LUNCHABLE, a blue monster, a pack of gum, and bag of goldfish, and camel crushes. I DON'T DESERVE HER. But I'm awfully glad I have her :]

I did all my laundry today. It;s a good thing because today I was on my last pair of underwear and I have begun to live in sweats because I hadn't done my laundry since I got back from Thanksgiving break. I have honestly lived in the library for about a week. Wanna know how much sleep I have lost in the past week and a half? All of it. Between tuesday and wednesday, I wrote 20 pages [two papers], a powerpoint, got a thesis for my english final [which i owned today], AND read my philosophy assignments. I am a library rockstar.