Raining on a Sunday.

There are soo many post it notes stuck on my desk and my corkboard, i feel like i abuse their purpose. I have given up refilling my water bottle every second and started to just drink from the gallon i bought the other day. Golden grahams should not be legal because they aren't even yummy, but i LOVE them. I think I am now officially known on campus as "Feeks" and it makes my heart happy. I have two papers to write today and I WILL finish them. Lately I have lacked motivation so heyguesswhat? Im going on a RUNNNNN today, and I'm excited about it. I have a headache, but i don't caaare! I use a Mr. Coffee box to put my fan on top of so that I can feel it when I'm on my bed [top bunk]. I feel innovative and clever. I don't understand the weather here because yesterday it was 90 degrees and sunny and today it is sixty and rainy. Whadddaheck? Lately I've been mopey. Why? I don't know, but it's LAME and I need to stop. 5 reasons not to be mopey:
- I don't need to take a shower until tonight
- It's hoodie weather
- I have cool friends
- I'm listening to the Dirty Heads
- Public transportation exists.
Do you notice a theme in what I talk about all the time? I feel like I do a lot of convincing myself that being lame is sooo lame. Which is true, being lame is totally dumb. I don't really know why I'm talking about that. Bottom line, being dumb is dumb so don't be.
I want to jump rope and color with sidewalk chalk and hear church bells and climb trees and blow bubbles and run around in my bare feet and build a tree fort and sing really loudly and be obnoxious and go to church and sit quietly and write letters and talk to everyone and be inspiring and sit on a roof and watch a sunset and eat an orange while reading Dostoevsky and build my vocabulary and smoke on a back porch and talk about God and pray for people and run until i can't and be who I want to be and who God means me to be and I want to shout so loudly about how loved I feel and how much I love and I want people to cry with the freedom that I feel, I want them to discover how to breath, how to think and how to talk to Jesus as a friend. I hope to be all of this, I want to do everything, be moved by ordinary things, inspire people, make a difference in just one life, peel myself from the mold of low expectations, I want to be challenged and heard and I want to work to understand my world.
I refuse to let myself be restless.
Patience, hold my shoulders. Conscience, keep my eyes forward. Mind, focus. Imagination, color outside the lines. Heart, never stop. Spirit, stay on fire. Faith, you are so difficult to have but so easy to feel, keep me breathing and keep me wondering, I want to stay hungry for what my eyes can't see. God you are love and your love is my life, keep teaching me how to love you back with how I live it. Peace, reign over me.