and yes I am aware of the abundance of typos in my last post. I decided to let them be, they looked happy and weren't hurting anyone.

Bahh Humbug.

Today is slate gray, rainy, depressing, The air is really dense, i feel like if i swished a knife through the air, I would see the slit that I cut. It looks like is should be cold, but as always, this Arlington weather is bipolar and unpredictable. It's muggy and warm with a baby breeze. I want my fall to be here.
If i could describe how today felt, I'd probably say it was like unsalted popcorn. It wasn;t necessarily horrible, I was fine. But there was nothing extra about it, nothing delicious [except the french toast slice i had at 7:30am], nothing spectacular. Just bland. Just the sound of wind between the buildings and being annoyed by too much rain puddle soaking my shoes and seeping up my pant leg on my way to class. Today felt heavy.
I stayed up all night writing a paper. That's probably why.

I ache for summertime again. I want bare feet, bonfiring, singing along badly to someone who knows how to play guitar. I want one of those summer night when you're driving home and you're racing to beat your curfew, your windows are down and the stars are extra bold because the sky is pitch black, almost blue. Blasting country music on empty roads, just you. I love to drive alone, it's so freeing. I think whe I drive, pray when I drive, rock out when I drive, and nevvver wear shoes when i drive. I recently found out that driving barefoot is illegal in Indiana? Who knew? I think that is a superfluous and useless law and a waste of legislation. Let the drivers be barefoot! I can feel the pedals under my feet a whole lot better anyway. Ah, I miss driving a lot. It's one of the things I'm most excited for when I go home. I lovelove to drive.
sdkjbjds. I haven't run in a week. Maybe that's part of why I've been feeling restless. Running really does keep me sane.. maybe I'll hit the gym for a study break later tonight. Cause, oh yeah, I have a midterm tomorrow that I thought wasn't until next Tuesday. Don't you love it when that happens?
I'm going to go meet Jaime girl for dinner, I'm starrving. Hopefully they have good food today?
Happy Thursday, it's almost the weekend. Almost.

Homesick.

I should be doing soooo many things right now. Like writing my paper that's due tomorrow. Or studying for finals. Or sleeping? But I'm at work, so I have at least a little bit of an excuse for blogging right now.
Today I woke up at approximately 11:49am.
I ate macaroni and cheese and a cannoli in the cafeteria today. It was magical.
I wrote an introduction for my Plato's Symposium essay and it's more than halfway decent. I'd say its pretty all the way decent.
It's raining today. But it's not depressing rain, it's fall rain. I feel like there should be a Notre Dame football game going on, and I should have stick on tattoos on my cheeks and a big hoodie on. I should be at a tailgate eating way too much taco dip and hearing the marching band and loving the smell of beer and charcoal grills and saying hi to so many people I don't know and trying to get free tickets 5 minutes before kickoff. Can you tell I'm missing home today? Fall weather makes me ache for South Bend and tailgating and the smell of burning leaves in my neighborhood and driving past MSA soccer games in Bohem Park. I do, I miss home a lot today.
I want some realllllly fuzzy socks, my living room sofa, my mom cooking dinner, my brothers fighting way too loudly over who gets the computer my brother watching football and getting really upset about the scores and i want a glass of red wine.
yep. all of that. because it's the best. and i miss it.

okaayyyy good things about being here right now
im learning a ton! about schoolwork and about myself and how to act and how to deal with other people.
the food is good today
i have sooooooooooooo many wonderful amazing hilarious friends. they make me so happy :)
I have a job!
I'm alive

wow I'm bad at the grateful game today. I need to work on that...
I eally am a happyhappy person. Life is grand, i love it so much. It's forever full of smiles and conversations and best friends and unexpected hugs and daymaking surprises and hoodies and slippers and sooooooooooo much love. I am so loved.

It's a beautiful day. Don't let it get away.

Today finally feels like fall. Despite lacking a sufficient amount of sleep, I feel so happy about today. I was awakened (this is probably strike three) by the fire alarm today while I was about 20 minutes into a nap and it felt like the first time I was told that Santa wasn't real. I just laid there in disbelief until my desire not to get fined for staying in the building trumped my disappointment. Unbelievable. People, please read the correct amount of time you need to pop you popcorn for, or take time to notice the big red signs that say "do not open, door alarmed" on the doors that are, in fact, ALARMED. Okay that was my rant for the day.
I think I aced my philosophy quiz today!
I missed my sociology class :(
I gave a powerpoint today and I didn't die!
I need to write a paper by thursday... motivated? never.
Am I at work right now? Why yes, yes I am. Sitting at the front desk doing nothinnnng. I have 35 minutes till dinnertime. I am sooo excited. I had a waffle this morning and it was suuuuch a good decision. You know what's dumb? The cereal selection in the dining hall has been the same six cereals since I've been here. Golden Grahams, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Nature Vally granola, Cocoa Puffs, Lucky Charms, and Cheerios. I'M TIRED OF THEM! I don't mind cocoa puffs and lucky charms staying around, but have yall ever heard of wheaties? raisin bran? frosted mini wheats? I'm tellin ya what,they need to step up their game...
I did it. I spent money on clothes yesterday. It was a necessary measure, and I'm glad I did it, but it was almost physically painful to spend that much. And it wasn't even that much. bah humbug. Why does money exist? I would LOVE to resurrect the barter system. You give me a toga, I give you a goat, we call it even.
Today I am grateful for
New pants
Caffeine
Positive attitudes
Food
Sleep appreciation [cause even though I have no sleep in me, I'm still grateful it exists because it's suuuuch a beautiful thing.]
Internet
Pens that click. Because when they aren't clicky pens, i always lose the cap.

People watching makes for fantastic procrastinating.

Are you jealous that I'm listening to VIVALDI on pandora, "writing" a paper about cigarette advertising during the great depression, drinking a venti iced coffee, all the while facing a huuuuge window that looks out on the street and sidewalk? hahhaha I would be. Because do you know how many hilariously odd people walk around? soooo many. I am thoroughly entertained. I think this is legitimate study time because not only am i filling my head with classical music, I'm stepping back to appreciate the cultures I'm surrounded by! Oh life, you're fantastic.
On the other foot, I have to ride the red line metro today. and I'm kind of scared about that.
I need to stop procrastinating. I wish it wasn't so much stinkin fun.

Raining on a Sunday.

There are soo many post it notes stuck on my desk and my corkboard, i feel like i abuse their purpose. I have given up refilling my water bottle every second and started to just drink from the gallon i bought the other day. Golden grahams should not be legal because they aren't even yummy, but i LOVE them. I think I am now officially known on campus as "Feeks" and it makes my heart happy. I have two papers to write today and I WILL finish them. Lately I have lacked motivation so heyguesswhat? Im going on a RUNNNNN today, and I'm excited about it. I have a headache, but i don't caaare! I use a Mr. Coffee box to put my fan on top of so that I can feel it when I'm on my bed [top bunk]. I feel innovative and clever. I don't understand the weather here because yesterday it was 90 degrees and sunny and today it is sixty and rainy. Whadddaheck? Lately I've been mopey. Why? I don't know, but it's LAME and I need to stop. 5 reasons not to be mopey:
- I don't need to take a shower until tonight
- It's hoodie weather
- I have cool friends
- I'm listening to the Dirty Heads
- Public transportation exists.
Do you notice a theme in what I talk about all the time? I feel like I do a lot of convincing myself that being lame is sooo lame. Which is true, being lame is totally dumb. I don't really know why I'm talking about that. Bottom line, being dumb is dumb so don't be.
I want to jump rope and color with sidewalk chalk and hear church bells and climb trees and blow bubbles and run around in my bare feet and build a tree fort and sing really loudly and be obnoxious and go to church and sit quietly and write letters and talk to everyone and be inspiring and sit on a roof and watch a sunset and eat an orange while reading Dostoevsky and build my vocabulary and smoke on a back porch and talk about God and pray for people and run until i can't and be who I want to be and who God means me to be and I want to shout so loudly about how loved I feel and how much I love and I want people to cry with the freedom that I feel, I want them to discover how to breath, how to think and how to talk to Jesus as a friend. I hope to be all of this, I want to do everything, be moved by ordinary things, inspire people, make a difference in just one life, peel myself from the mold of low expectations, I want to be challenged and heard and I want to work to understand my world.
I refuse to let myself be restless.
Patience, hold my shoulders. Conscience, keep my eyes forward. Mind, focus. Imagination, color outside the lines. Heart, never stop. Spirit, stay on fire. Faith, you are so difficult to have but so easy to feel, keep me breathing and keep me wondering, I want to stay hungry for what my eyes can't see. God you are love and your love is my life, keep teaching me how to love you back with how I live it. Peace, reign over me.

a;slmc;lsamdfckjs

Ever have it when you're completely energetic and normal, then as soon as you sit down to do anything whether it's homework or facebook, you feel like your face smacks a wall of sleepy? I am SO tired, I'm falling asleep in this chair, and it's not comfy. I;m in the library trying to write a paper, and I keep dozing in the middle of my sentences. Inconvenient.
wow this is going to be random.

Fairies can be purple or blue
they spit gold in your face and tell you it glitters
but what do you say?
Mud bathed beauty is no less appealing
in fact it takes the strong to uncover its wealth.
Hands, be sturdy, no shaking, no hesitation
Breath, be easy, be measured, free yourself
Mind, be unaffected by fairy-lit apologies and
grotesquely brown sugared spitballs.
I'll let my heart draw the lines and my feet fill in the empty curves between,
I'll learn barefoot, stuck, awake, in quick sand, swallowed, uncomfortable,
but real.

hahahahha NERDNERDNERD. this is mary in stress-out mode. I think that poem was about not letting things like popularity, fake personalities, or the "easy way out," replace what it means to actually learn. Learning is not supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be dirty, muddy, uncomfortable and humbling. Take off your shoes, throw away worries about others judging you and FREE yourself to learn. Learn to be yourself in front of others, learn how to learn in the classroom, learn how to live by living.
this probably makes noooooooooo sense because i sound like I'm trying to rewrite the proverbs. I just need caffeine like nooobody's business. not excited for my chem 8am. BAH. life, keep rocking and ill stop complaining.
crazy love, even though Im grumpy.

Should I do this every day? I think so.

Wow sooo today... I had a revelation. IMSOGRATEFUL. For sooo many things. like... think about HOW MUCH you have. For real. Right now, stop. THINK. That's one thing, you can think. About ANYTHING. That is the coolest ability ever! You are 100% youuu in your head and in your heart, and NO ONE can take that away from you. But back to the main point, today on my ridiculously hot, hard run I thought. A lot. And I discovered some things I'm grateful for.
--Sunshine! Escaping the dorm/classrooms and just being outside.
--My fan. It saves my life, i love it.
--Clean socks!
--Crayons. And coloring books. Because yes, I did spend about 30 minutes by myself coloring last night.
--Skype! I love having ways to stay connected to my friends.
--FRIENDS. Oh my gosh this is a big one. I have found so many people lately who are soooo rad, and they think I'M rad, and I can't get over it! I have so many friends and it makes me SO happy! I can't believe how much God has blessed me lately with so many conversations and faces and amazing people!
--The McNichol's back porch, youtube, and Becca Feeks.
--RUNNING. So much happiness, so much freedom.
--Having a cell phone. Because I cannot imagine trying to maneuver my life without one right now.
--Letters! I love writing them and I love getting them! Letter writing is a lost art, people. Seriously, take advantage of the postal system, it is soo rad.
--Flip flops. People may judge me, but I wear them 24/7. And if I lost them, I'd die.
--Libraries. They are soooo helpful when used properly :)
--Friends who have actually had labs in high school and know what the heck a bunson burner does.
--$.99 gallons of spring water from cvs.
--Public transportation!
--water coolers
--futons!
--waffle irons
--COFFEE
--duct tape. It can be used for sooooo many things! i.e. lint roller.

I am sooooooooooooooooooo hungry. I am at work, I have been here since 3:00, and I have approximately 14 minutes left o the clock. I didn't have lunch because I was on run then realized that oh yeah showering after a run is definitely what i need to do, soooo when all was said and done, I had no time to eat. boooo. I'm so excited for dinner!
My run today was a beautiful thing. I woke up, felt inspired, I have no idea how long my run was but it was difficult and hot. I was exhausted afterward. You know that deep ache after you've pushed through a really hard workout and you can just feel yourself getting stronger even though you feel weak? Yeah. I love that. Pain is weakness leaving the body! I cannnooot wait to get new running shoes though. Mine have seen better days, and it is time to give them a proper burial. I'm kind of emotionally attached to the shoes i have now because they were my first pair of running shoes that I had when i got obsessed with running. I've run soooo many miles in those sneakers.
I love to sing so much and I'm preetyyyyy sure I annoy everyone I'm around all the time because there is allllways a song in my head.
If you could have a movie about your life, what songs would be on the soundtrack? Such a legit question, think about it.
TEN MINUTES. The countdown has begun. I'm so excited.
PEACE [one day late]

Stoplights and Intersections. And Party Depot.

OVERFLOWING. My life is completely overflowing with sooo many cool things!! Friendship bracelets and friends who made them, borrowed hoodies, climbing trees in the dark, bonding time with new amazing people, phone calls, sleepovers, bathrobes, birthday cake, so much laughter venting sessions, learning more about myself and about other people, philosophy, sociology, and miserably elementary writing assignments. They're all making my life a huuuuge bundle of party balloons, a huge joy. I'm so happy about who I am and where I am. I feel like as I start to get used to it here, I will start to find out how God wants to use me here. Because I'm not at Marymount University, a tiny Catholic school that no one knows about, all the way from Indiana, for no reason at all. God gave me the resources and mind to get the amazing scholarships I did, and he paved the way so clearly for me to be here. I want to know why. I see so many new faces every day. Ive met people who feel like their lives are void of something important, like they haven't lived for SOMETHING, they've only lived for themselves. I want them to experience what I have. I want them to be able to see what I am able see every day in every face. Opportunity. Opportunity to be my absolutely lit on fire with life, love every second because there's no reason not to ME. I want them to feel the richness I feel because of deep friendships and the trust and honesty and self-awareness that comes along with them. I want people to see what they're missing out on. God, keep giving me opportunities. I want to keep loving without being scared and without being disappointed. Keep me fearless.
I went to "Party Depot" with two friends the other day. I could LIVE in that store.
It was my friend Chelsea's birthday today! We decided to surprise her and strategically place 18 balloons around campus, each balloon with a different gift. It was stressful success! We have such cool friends to stand in 18 different places on campus holding balloons. Yay! I am soooo full of birthday cake right now.
I'm in the library... "studying." I mean, we even took the birthday cake with us. Chelsea and Emily are playing with photobooth and giggling up a storm, Jaime is secretly recording videos behind our backs and I am giggling and "blogging" because this is way too much fun. Waaaayy too much fun to study. I have an 8am class tomorrow, what? BRANG IT.
TODAY:
I jammed out to Justin Beiber songs on the capital beltway with the windows down.
I chased my shuttle until it got to an intersection and then I knocked on the door for the driver to let me in.
I bought a snapple for myself and two huge cookies for someone from somewhere called "Mary's Cafe"
I took a shower at 2:40, got dressed and was on time to my 3:00 job.
I rapped in a library study and got a shout out from a guy who was wearing the same pajama pants as me. win.

Today was a good day, now I have to go write and essay, do a chem quiz, fill out a study guide, and read the whole book of job.

Oh heyyyyy life! I just remembered how much you rockk.

Okay soooo..... ten facts about my life right now:

1. I get called a hippie at LEAST once a day. I haven't figured out if that's a good or bad thing, but people seem to like me, so I'll take it.

2. I figured out that "taking a walk" on campus consists of about four and a half minutes of pleasant scenery until it starts to repeat itself.

3. I can make it from my dorm to my workplace in approximately 2 minutes, depending on how many people are crossing the street.

4. Air conditioner units are soooo nice.

5. Coloring should be used by psychiatrists as a stress relief technique.

6. Letter writing keeps me sane.

7. When the elevator breaks, you realize how pathetic you are when you complain about taking a few flights of stairs.

8. I went running at five** in the morning with one of my friends and the stars were BREATH TAKING, I was so grateful to be alive this morning.

9. FALL IS ALMOST HERE! It was hoodie weather today.

10. I just realized how compleeeeeeeeetely in love with life I am. IT'S SO FUN! despite chemistry and having to smush the odyssey into two discussion days. I miss Trinity seminar. Fact.

I LOVE EVERYTHING. you should too, it's wayyy more fun than moping. Go eat a cliff bar, I did.

Livingg

College is a whirlwind of figuring stuff out. Never in my life have I had to do soooo much figuring stuff out. From classrooms to bus schedules, metro stops, dining hall hours, doors that aren't alarmed, meeting new people, being myself, doing my homework, having fun, running enough, and working, it's been crazy. But good crazy. I'm starting to love the ebb-and-flow of this campus. So many people commute! The weekdays are buzzing with people, and by dinnertime, it slows down and gets super chill. Some people hate it, I think I kinda like it :]
I'm working my first ever job shift today! I'm doing secretary work... answering phones. It would be awesome if I didn't lose my voice almost completely this week. hahahaha those poor people on the other line tryin to figure out what I'm sayin... Oh well.
I'm HUNGRY. I have mastered the art of using public transportation. I know how to ward off people on the street who "are five dollars short of the big mac they want to buy" [because big macs are pretty pricey these days?], I have experienced the whole get-woken-up-out-of-a-dead-sleep-because-we-have-a-fire-drill thing, annnnnd I made friends with the cafeteria lady. It's pretty radddd.
I gotta go, but more lata!