I've never been so alive.

Im drinking horizon organic chocolate milk. you know the kind where the straw is supposed to be able to stick through the little foil cap, but the straw always bends and won't work so you have to stab the foil with something else, like a pen? Yeah that kind. I love chocolate milk. I splurged a dollar seventy five on this baby. For no other reason than the fact that it's almost friday, and the weather is sunshiney and bearable in my lightweight, non-winter jacket. I got stars in my eyes today.

Have you ever felt like crying for ABSOLUTELY no reason, but are completely happy at the same time? I feel like that right now. It's so weird. Im fighting off so many things in the back of my brain right now. Things that aren't worth thinking about that are distressing and dumb. Maybe it's the fact that I might be winning the battle. Im so alive today. But I feel really alone at the same time. But Im starting to feel like that's okay. Because sometimes being alone in a struggle is the most important thing about it. You have to come to grips with things on your own. Sometimes you can only take YOUR own advice, because no one else truly knows what you're dealing with, except God. So really, you're not alone cause God's right there with you, but he's not always going to be your training wheels. You have to put on your big kid pants, suck it up, and plow through the storm. That's what I'm doing today. Plowing through the storm. There may be puddles, but gosh darn it, I'm going to dance in them.

Valerie Marie Carnevale. i love everything about you. your mind, your heart, your willingness to accept challenges, setbacks, defeat. You always win, you always persevere. Thanks for being a soldier.

I've got to go to work, so this post is really short. But I just need to vent how I feel right now. I feel kind of like exploding. Todays the first time in a long time that I've felt really really CONTENT. Just to be. To be alive. Right now. I have to go to work, I have to pee, I'm kinda hungry, I have dishes to do and an unmade bed and papaers to edit and tests to study for but thats just it, im HERE to do all of that. And God will give me time for it. I let the sun hit me today, I let it pierce my eyes as I walked to class, I breathed deliberately, i thought. I thought more than I have in a long time about ordinary, simple things. And I remembered that I see beauty in all of it. Everything.

So here's to being. I do feel kind of alone today, but then again, I've really never been this alive.