Finding time to see the stars.

I just realized that it's been almost a week since my last real post. Time is going crazy! I've kinda lost a gauge for how long a month feels. November flew OUT the window, I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is in 4 DAYS. I can't believe I get to go home in 2 days!!! I get to go hommmeee!!! Home home home. I haven't been home since August. I haven't been home since SUMMERTIME. I miss everyone and everything. I'm so excited to go back, and it's going to be so hard to leave.

South Bend is a different world from the metro/DC area. Here, everything keeps moving. There's never any lag time, no sunday drivers, no open spaces that aren't filled with sidewalks or buildings. Don't get me wrong, living in this area is wonderful in so many ways! I have learned to master public transportation. I have learned not to trust metro closing times. I have forced myself to get to know the area by going on adventure runs and walking home from nannying jobs. I have learned how to be smart about spending money, even though it is RIDICULOUSLY expensive to live here. I know my way around Washington DC and I can use the metro system by myself very confidently. All in all, I just think I've been doing a lot of growing up in the past few months, in a lot of ways. Not only did I have to make the initial adjustment to college life, I had to adjust to it 600 miles away from home. It's been a test, but I think I'm doing alright.

Can I go on a rant about how much I absolutely love Valerie Carnevale, in every single solitary way? She is the epitome of WILLING. She is one thousand percent willing to love with her entire heart every single minute of every day. I had such an amazing conversation with her yesterday. I cried, she cried, tears of frustration and joy and struggling to find a balance between being free and feeling obligated to solve the world's problems. Valerie doesn't feel trapped by tests and deadlines and work stress, Valerie's constant frustration is not being able to help fix every sadness or flaw she sees in the world at once. Valerie wants to be in Peru with orphans and in Europe and build houses and go to church and take people wakeboarding and do photoshoots and pray the rosary all at once. She has a deepdown, souldesire to spread herself everywhere, to love everyone, to effect the world through love. What she doesn't fully realize is that she already does. Every day. Valerie, people see that desire, people feel changed by the way you love, you effect them. Don't ever ever ever lose your amazing fire for life. Keep walking through the rain baby.

I think that the movie Elf is hilarious. I don't care what people say, ill call you a cottonheaded ninnymuggins annyyyy day of the week.

Thank you mom and dad for how you raised me. It makes me happy every day.

I SAW THE OPENING SHOWING OF HARRY POTTER.
Not gonna lie, it was GREAT. Like, usually the movies kinda suck, right? That acting is bad, the scenes aren't how you imagine them, there's stuff left out, etc etc. But noo! The acting was half decent, lots of the the scenes were HOW I IMAGINED them while reading the books [which is superduper cool]and the movie included tonnss and ended on a huge cliff hanger. I was so stoked and harry-potter-nerdy after that movie ended hahaha.

Jake Maz, you take rad pictures with your rad guitar and your rad shades. I aspire to be as rad as you one day. Rock on.

Hey Katrina? You're adorable and hilarious. Thank you for waiting for me while i tried on my whole closet yesterday and offering to pick me up from the airport :) Happy early birthday!!

Emily Wemily Prettyladywhoimissallthetime-- You are so boootiful. When you sent me pics of you and Savannah at the park, i was like ohhmygoshh, what's her secret? I have a beautifulll dark haired twin soulbestie. I'm excited for Tuesday night.

EVERYONE LISTEN UPPP-- Chelsea Ritter is one fantastic individual.

I fell asleep sitting up in the library tonight. I was reading my philosophy homework and started falling asleep. Then someone texted me, and i closed my eyes while texting them back, realized I was falling asleep, and laughed at the complete nonsense that I almost sent back to them. I'm sleepy. I'm going to bed in approximately fifteen minutes.

Why is there Christmas music everywhere?? I mean, I love Christmas, but don't rush Thanksgiving! I need time to eat my turkey :)

I love to run. I LOVE to run. I went on a perrrrfect route yesterday, I was so happy about it. I figured out that if i stay on one street for a while, and then just go back the same way, I won't get lost! I'm getting creative with my route-making, it makes me happy. I think I have a stress thing going on in my foot though, which is tooootally bumming me out, because it really hurts. Booo. Oh well, thanks Jesus for giving me a body to run with. It's fun, I like it.

Lizface, thank you for the cookie today. I'm glad we are dessert twins. A+ for giving the food pyramid a run for its money today.

I love night time and running under overpasses and reading old grafiti and sunshine on my face and leaves falling and blue skies and hills and jackets and disney movies and Thanksgiving and laughing and Mexican restaurants and adventures and good conversations and stars, so many stars. I love Dostoevsky and the things he taught me, I love loving and getting my mind blown by simple things.
I want to impact
I want to learn SO MUCH about every single person in the world.
I want everyone to feel as inspired as I do.
I want everyone to feel this freedom.
I want to pray more. Every day.
I want to have stronger faith, both in God and myself.

Know what's cool? I can do something about every single thing I listed.
Isn't life awesome?
Be grateful for life, it lets you love and work and look at the stars.

Goal for the week: Live alive, no wasted opportunities, work hard.
2 tiny days until I'm HOME.

I am unbelievably, completely one trillion percent blessed to have Valerie Marie Carnevale in my life. I don't know what else to say. She keeps me being me. Valpants, Valcro, Valentiiiiine. I am the luckiest girl because you're my best friend. Thank you thank you thank you for being.

Dashboard and Diet Coke with Lime.

This weekend, I got to see my dad. I was SO happy to see him, I missed him so much. I went to my aunt and uncle's house on friday night and just spent like seven hours eating and drinking and porching [yes, it's a verb] with my dad, sister, and a couple relatives. It was fantastic. It got reeeally cold out, so my cousin Katie lent me a men's xxxl hoodie that she had and i was wearing man sweatpants that were long enough to pull over my toes. I was so snuggly and happy. It was such a good night.

Theresee, thank you SO much for the diet coke. My fridge isn't lonely anymore.
By the way, everyone, if you want a free kitty whose name is Scarlett who is pretty and blue-eyed, Theresee has one. Let me know if you want her!

I'm listening to Dashboard Confessional and blogging instead of doing my homework. Bad Mary.

I wish I had gone on a run earlier today.
But my Achilles tendons hurt. So I should take a break? Prolly.
I love running.

Valerie, I'm wearing a hippo silly bad you gave me, it makes me smile. Thanks for pep-talking me last night, I love you so much.

Asia, you are THE BEST. I love you so much. You will prolly not ever read this, but I still love you girl.

I reallyreallyreally want steak.

The sunshine woke me up sooo stinkin' early this morning. I may as well not even have curtains, because they accomplish absolutely nothing.

you have stooolleennnn myyy heeeeeaaaaarrrrrrrrtttttttt!!!!!!!
i love this song.
thanks, dashboard.

I have to edit a sociology research paper. It's 18 pages long. I'm not excited.

Library people watching is fun, because half the people are falling asleep or finding discrete ways to procrastinate. It's funny.

Katrina, I liked our run the other day. I'm sorry I jaywalked and gave you a heart attack.

Emily Robinson.
I think you're pretty. I like you so much. I wish you lived on campus. But on the other foot, I like coming to your house with you spontaneously at all hours of the night and eating chocolate eclair bars with a spoon in your kitchen and trying on your whole closet and stealing your makeup remover. You astound me all the time, did you know that? You're just so goshdarn confident and strong-willed and genuine. I admire you so much. Thanks for being, you make my life wayyy more sunshiney. All the time. I hope you're feeling better. Let's have a running date soon?

My mom always texts me really cute things. And she sends me nice emails.
She's the best ever. I love my momma.

IMSOEXCITEDFORTHANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i get to see all of my INCREDIBLEEEEE friends. I miss them so. much.

breathing. sometimes I forget to think about how much it matters.




I need some Vivaldi. I'm about to enter nerd mode.
3-2-1 go.

17 reasons why I should love TODAY, specifically.

1. I had an 8am class today, and I set my alarm for 7:30. My phone died while i was sleeping, but I still magically woke up at 7:54. I was only about 6 minutes late for class.

2. I was waiting all by my lonesome for Brenna so I wouldn't have to walk into the cafeteria by myself today, and then Caroline rescued me.

3. It's a STUNNINGLY perfect day outside. Treesharp, whistleclear, cookie-cutter sky perfect.

4. Ashaunte giggled incessantly at Dave Chapelle while her headphones were in. I sat here and laughed because she was laughing really loud and didnt realize it. I love Ashaunte's laugh, its so funny.

5. I get to go on a ruun in the beautiful sunshine with my beautiful shoes.

6. I will have a clean room at some point.

7. I feel free, I'm deciding to be freemary today.

8. I only work for two hours and I'm done by four.

9. It's Thursday. I love Thursdays.

10. I got so many hellos today.

11. I finished my schedule for next semester! Officially all registered.

12. I saw Emily today. I don't see her enough. Emily is the best, she reminds me of daisies.

13. Ashaunte gave me spur of the moment life advice in her cute little Ashaunte voice.

14. I talked metaphors with Valerie and she said I rocked. Like Plymouth. Plymouth Rock is how much she thinks I rock. YESSSSS.

15. I'm not going to be late to work today, and my shift's in ten minutes.

16. My window's open.

17. I'm livingbreathingawakesmilingsoldieringthroughnotbeingstressedoutawesome.

time to go to work! More later.

I hope you looked at the sky today.

Being Valerie's friend is like knowing you're coming home to homemade chocolate chip cookies. Homemade chocolate chip cookies just ALWAYS fix stuff. The thought of chocolate chip cookies puts a warm fuzzy smile in your heart because you just know how awesome they are. Know that feeling? Like, when you're tired and miserable and stressed out and there's so much going on and you just want to give up, you remember the cookies [Valerie]. Always dependable, always wonderful, constant, and joy-inspiring. Valerie, thanks for being the huuuuuuuuuuuge batch of friendship cookies that you are.
that made a lot more sense in my head.
moving on.

I had lunch with Becca today! She looks so professional in her professional looking pencil skirt and oxford and her professionally worn peep-toe heels whose soles are falling off. I love her. I love her a lot. Becca, thank you for the Quiznos and deep conversation.

My room is a bigfat mess. But it's not like an explosive mess, it's a subtle, contained mess. Its the kind of mess where stuff is just put in the wayyyyy wrong places, so you can't ever find anyyyything, even if it looks moderately cleaned up. I have too many papers in too many folders with not enough space to put the folders, so the folders end up stacked next to the library books that are already stacked next to my computer under my lamp, but now the stack is so high that the light is being obscured, and i CAN'T WORK WITH OBSCURE LIGHTING. Sorry. I had to vent.
moving on.

I didn't run today. I didn't have time. It made me sad. So I may hit the gym tonight, as much as I hatehatehatehatehate treadmills. We shall see. I went to zumba on Monday and OH my gosh. So fun. I'm going back every time now. It's like hiphop dancing meets salsa and all other kinds of crazy. You definitely have to move those hips. I'm not gonna lie, some of those moves just AREN'T going to happen. Because it is physically impossible for a girl this white to move like that.

I'm hungry, six o'clock needs to come faster. Wednesday works days feel like they last forever because my shift is 3-6, but it gets dark at like 5 so it feels like I'm here for wayyy longer than I am. blah.

I think people should pray more.
I think I should probably pray more.
The sky was almost electric today. I was waiting for a shuttle and looked up, and there was a treebranch with bright yellow leaves on it, and against the bluuuuuuuuuuue sky, they looked incredible. How can colors be that cool? God loves us, we could be living in a world of black and white, but he chose to give us electric blue and yellow November mornings that are almost too warm for the cardigan you chose to wear.
I think backpacks are fantastic inventions.
Don't you love people watching? I could ride the metro for hours, people are hilarious and weird and fascinating.
I love hugs. so much.
I missed my friends so much today.


I also really missed home today. I thought about the fact that I'm not trying to get out of raking the leaves or driving carpools in my 13 passenger van, and it made me sad. I get to see my dad in two days!!! When I found out he was coming to town, I think I teared up a little, I miss him so much. It's hard to think about the fact that I haven't seen my dad since August. Or my little brothers. Or Annie. That's too much time. Thanksgiving, come faster.

Chelsea Ritter makes me smile because she always comes up and scares me when I'm doing homework outside at a picnic table. She's so pretty, and she never wears makeup and I'm kinda a lot jealous of her unfettered confidence. She's a blue-eyed, blonde haired, fellow-sweatpant-wearing lifelover. And I love her. a lot.

I love when friends call me.

Calla Marie Couch, I miss your beautiful face, and I think about you a lot.

I bumped my elbow, and it hurts reeeeeal bad.

I'd love a hammock. Today was SUCH a hammock day. Gosh. Ah, i love hammocks.

Tengo hambre! Twenty minutes. Hasta Luego :)

Don't you wish you still read stories like Runaway Bunny or Raggetty Ann & Andy? I do.

I like Sundays because they're unimposing. Nothing about Sunday says you HAVE to do anything. You can laze around all day and watch the sun beat through your curtains, and it wouldn't even matter. I did that for a while this morning. I didn't want to wake up all the way, so I woke up halfway, and I halfway appreciated the sunshine peering through the seams in my curtains, while the other half of me was secretly loathing daylight savings time. Being only halfway awake made me less irate about it though.

Have you ever thought about why people think it's necessary to alllllllways wear shoes? I mean, think about it, we were not born with shoes on our feet. Lil babies look like they have froggy toes because they've never been crammed inside of a shoes, whereas we all have funny, stairstep looking toes from being laced up in bunny-eared sneakers and high heels. Dislike. WWCMD? What Would CaveMen Do? Prolly NOT wear shoes.

I went to church at 7:00 pm with my pretty friend Jaime D'Souza. Jaime is my mass buddy. And I like it.

Sometimes, I watch clouds.
I successfully made hot chocolate without getting up from my chair tonight. I don't know if this is a good or an evil.
I dislike group projects very, very much.
I made a new friend yesterday.
Chelsea Jaime and I have bonding time over Cocoa puffs and facebook.
Valerie Carnevale is the Charlie to my Brown.
porches are totally rad.
why can I see my breathe when i go outside? fix it, weatherman.


I love classical music. I have so many classical pandora stations. Vivaldi is the greatest studybuddy EVER.

My eyes are tired.
I went on a collllllllllld run on Sautrday, but it was adventurous and beautiful anyway. I re-uinited with Pollard Street. We're becoming friends, me and Pollard Street.
my room is too messy. It makes my thoughts feel messy and jumbled too. I should clean.
I love Ashaunte. She is adorable.
Water is such a magical invention. Thanks, God.
I like my turquoise thrift store mug.

I like life so much, so much of the time. For that, I am grateful.
I'm going to go take a shower, brush my teeth with my spanking new 99-cent CVS toothbrush, and put on man sweatpants and read a book. Yep. I am going to read a book for fun. Because I miss it. Wait for me Dostoevsky short stories, I'm only a shower away! Runaway Bunny is tomorrow's bedtime story.

Goodnight moon.

I'm sure it's sunny somewhere.

So somehow I feel like when you have a night when the wireless in your dorm room doesn't exist and you need to go to your floor lobby to get any internet bars, and then Daniel Townsend gives you chocolate chip cookie dough and then Liz Schmit invites you to hang out and Ashley brings a dog into Liz's dorm and we try on masks and post obnoxious videos on people's facebook walls and you make easymac for your friends at 2 in the morning and you're up for your 9:30am , the rest of your day is going to automatically be stupendous. It's pretty stupendous so far, I'd say.

I just spent an hour in Chelsea's room. We had a nerd sesh and looked at all of my hidden poetry that I never show anyone. Chelsea makes my life. She's one of the most genuine, down to earth, honest, fun-loving, hilarious, beauuuutiful girls I have ever met. Without fail, I am allllways laughing when I'm with her. Or we're having really deep conversations. I love me some Chazzi. That's her name. Chazzi. I'm on the phone with you right now, Chelsea, and you, hero of mine, just showed up an hour and eighteen minutes early for your communications class on accident. I kinda love you.

Jaime, I love that you shared your scone with me in philosophy today. I think you're amazingly fantastic. How can so much Jaime be in sucha little baby teenytiny body? I like it when you rap and try to find ways to make "Feeks" rhyme with stuff. I appreciate your music tastes. I liked your hair today.

I need to go help Katrina open her mailbox. Everybody, I have MASTERED how to open my combination lock. Do you even know how long it took me and how much of a pain it's been to deal with not being able to open combo locks for nineteen years? It's actually a big deal that I can open them now. I feel like I should get a medal. Or a sticker. Gold star.

Hey Becca? Sister of mine? You prolly won't read this. But I love you. Let's go out to lunch tomorrow and talk about deep things. I think you'd be proud to know that I'm incorporating the Brothers Karamazov into my Honors research paper about the problem of suffering. It's going to be spiff.

CONBINATION LOCK TIMEEE.

Happy Friday, I hope it's sunny where you are, cause it's not really here. And it should at least be sunny somewhere.

I love Pollard Street

Today, I am so grateful for
caffeine
time
amazingly spiffy running shoes
fall trees
adventure runs and discovering new routes
my sisters. i miss them and think about them all the time.
excedrin extra strength
photos on my wall

id really love a rooftop to sit on. I feel like I'd get a lot of thinking done. it would be good for my soul. There's something about getting alone-time in really obscure places like rooftops or anywhere isolated that really gets to me. I get really pensive and peaceful. I need that right now I think.

I ran today and decided to be creative and take neighborhood streets that I'd never been on. Aside from my being slightly lost for a while, it was suuch a good decision because it was beauuutiful. I found a perfect street. It's called Pollard street. As soon as you turn onto it, everything is orange and yellow and red and warm-colored, and you're a part of it, and as the street winds down to a curve, you feel like you're in a storybook of fall time and pumpkin pie and warm fuzzies. I got a homey feeling from Pollard street. Thanks, Pollard street.

I love words.

Did you know that half the time, I'm stringing random words together in my head to make pretty, interesting, or eclectic sounding sentences or poems? It's true.

I'd love to know why my headache won't go away.

Another fact of life: homework just never ever gets done.

I like my name today. I don't know any other Marys here.

I'm deciding to not say the phrase "I'm tired" more than once a day. I say it too much, and I hate whiners.

I'm not feeling creative right now. I wish I could just unwind the spool of crazy thoughts jumbled up in my head right now, but it's not gonna work today. I'd like to fly a kite right now. In bare feet.

out of nowhere poetry. it keeps happening.

midnight coffee break
stormed in thoughts
put aside on doilies too old to look like lace
they smell like dust,
collecting on my thoughts.

in all the lush books
ripe with characters and monologues
i wish i could be the one who
shatters common perception's point
like a renovated building corner.

water. storms of flashflood weather
break apart my inhibitions
like a tightrope made of ice.
Where I once walked, I melted creases in my path,
and I fell through as time wore on.

Just to sit back here,
sipping on midnight thoughts while my
former self collects dust.

You pick a title.

I felt sicker than sick when I went to bed last night. My stomach hurt, like someone was punching me and my head ached like nobody's business. I woke up at 8:20 to shower. I couldn't even open my eyes all the way for like a half hour after I woke up. I was one of those days. One of those days when you try and "put on" the pen that's in your hand instead of the chapstick in your other one. One of those days that no matter how hard you try, it feels like you're moving in really slow motion. One of those days that food doesnt even taste yummy no matter how good it looks or how hungry you feel.

Today dragged, I struggled. But hey, guess what?

I KILLED my sociology exam, I got through my philosophy class alive, and my English research proposal isn't due for another two weeks. Back To December is such a good song, and I've been singing it all day, even though I only know about seven words to it. I successfully conquered manning the front desk at work today for the first time. I drank tea today instead of coffee. I still like coffee better, but high fives to myself for opting for a healthier alternative for a day. I took about a 26 minute nap today... some sleep is better than none, and I was happy about it. I have awesome friends who want me to eat dinner with them in the cafeteria and go swing dancing and get chipotle and hang out.

Valerie Carnevale makes my heart sing, Ya wanna know why? She is fearless and 1000% dedicated in every stinking thing she decides to do. She makes awesome lists with her awesome handwriting and does everything on her lists awesomely. Know the best part? Half the time, she doesn't even realize how awesome she is. I think that is the sign of a TRUE awesome person. So heyguesswhat Val? You actually are a rockstar way more often than you know, and you make my sky sunny all the time.

Jake Maz, I love all your spelling errors.

I had hot chocolate when I walked out of the dining hall tonight, I put spanking new sheets on my bed and I'm about to do laundry and maybe even take a nappy and catch up on some homework. Thank the lord for no classes tomorrow, even though I have a million things to do.

I am so grateful for dayquil and water and socks today. It's cold outside, but there are still flowers and fall leaves. I'm sniffly, but someone cool invented nasal decongestant. God invented water, so props big guy, I'm not dehydrated, and I'm ALIVE. Wow, Mary, stop complaining, you're alive and breathing and strong and one of the luckiest people on the planet. I can't waste this day, it's perfect. Each day is perfect, simply because it exists. Cool.


I'm talking to my little brother William on the phone right now and it's making my life. He is beyonddd precious. I miss him so much.

i procrastinate by writing poetry about nothing in particular. enjoy.

Being alive today is just what it looks like
tastes like, breaks like and bends like,
but I wish you were here.

Like the sound of needle-crunch leaf under pebble-studded shoe treads.
like the look of fire leaves in between the green of stay-around trees.
like the sound of airplane lines being made in-between the cerulean.

The peppery air stays in the folds of my jacket and the smell surrounds me, even when I'm watching the weather from inside glowy store windows or shuttle-bus doors.
I'm preoccupied with a bonfire-mind, I'd like to dust my shoes on the carpet of colorness underneath this cobwebbed concrete patio.

Shuffled in the words of a country love song, I'm torn between my logic and mystic.
The colorsmell of this fall air is a getaway car, bringing me home fast. I usually hope that you'll be waiting there to see me with a fall flower in my tangled hair

Exhaustion?

I hate it when I lose my pens. I ALWAYS lose them.
and I have an aversion to pencils.

I have had one mug of tea and two mugs of coffee in the past two hours.
I'm still too sleepy to be doing homework.

I have the beginnings of a cold, my sinuses feel like there's a thirty pound weight on them and my nose is very sniffly.

I'm pretty sure I have a research proposal due tomorrow that I definitely have NOT written yet. I don't quite know what I'm going to do about that yet.

I should probably be studying for my sociology test right now. But I'm not, obviously.

I wrote a poem when I was in procrastination, trying not to panic mode. I kinda like it.

I'm scatterbrained and ridiculous right now.

I have my thinking hairdo going on [big bun on the tippy top of my head] and I'm wearing my man sweatpants and fuzzy slippers. What Not to Wear would MURDER me right now.

I got the best letter from Valerie today, it made me smile. I got it from my mailbox and read it outside at a picnic table in the sunshine. She's the best.

I had cocoa puffs for dinner because the only edible looking food were sloppy joes that turned out not being very edible. Yay cereal!

I love my roommate because she has dance parties in the bathroom with me while we brush our teeth.

I ran out of actual kleenex, so there's just a bunch of toilet paper sitting next to me at my desk. I feel classy.

On my left, there is a foot-high stack of library books.

Today, my favorite cafeteria worker guy was serving me my not-so-awesome sloppy joe, and I said my please and thank yous, and he just kinda stopped for a second and said "you know, you are just always happy, what's your secret to always having a good day?" and I didnt even know what to say, I just laughed and said I love life. He said "well, I like that, you're always smiling and that's impressive."
That made me happy.

I would looovvvee a different desk chair. These ones hurt a lot.

All my bracelets make me so happy. I need to buy string asap because about ten people want me to make them one.

I'm procrastinating to the maaaxx right now, I gotta stop this business.

Moral of the story, always get your homework done early, then you wouldn't have to fake as many smiles as I am right now. But don't get me wrong, I'm still one of the happiest people ever.