For everything.

Twist them around your finger,
your desires and wishes, your selfish wants.
Wrap them and coil them,
transform them unrecognizable;
your future, your life, is not yours to perfect.

Tangle the allure, the lie of
countless reminders to take control of what you
CAN'T.

Give the mess you've made to
whom it first belonged before you went and
tried to carve a mountain with your own dull tools.

Realize, trust, rest in knowing that only
He can make a straight line out of your
overturned and disconnected actions.

Heart, stop looking.
Mind, stop wrestling.
Legs, stop running.
Soul, stop sleeping.

Happiness is only found when you realize the
perfection and advocacy of the One who created it.







Today is a day for relinquishing the clutch I've had on my life. Today is a day for realizing that God knows and has planned for me SO MUCH MORE than I could ever even begin to imagine. Today is a day to give my mind, heart, words and actions to the heart of my God. There is not problem he gives me that he does not have a solution for. There is no path he will put me on that does not lead to something. Today is a day to realize that HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING. There is nothing I can do that he can't do better. There is no string of words I could articulate that he could not say a thousand times more perfectly.
We are halfway through lent. Honestly, I've sucked so far. I've cheated on what I gave up, I ate meat on two Fridays [because of travel, and then forgetfulness], and I haven't had sufficient prayer time. BUT in church this weekend, the priest caught my attention in his homily when he said that we still have time. We can still go all out. well, I'm down. I want this lent to shape me. I want to get the real meaning of it. Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return. We start lent by hearing this, but how often do we think about it? It illustrates the crux of our whole existence: we would be nothing, if not for God. We ARE nothing without him. He is our MAKER. We come from the very work of his own hands. So why the HELL do we have any business thinking we can live without him? Crush the lies you see on tv and read in magazines. Sex has been transformed from the perfection of the human relationship in God into an entire CULTURE of lies and depersonalization and emptiness. The meaning is lost but the actions remain. It's heart wrenchingly sad, what we've accepted as normalcy. The only fullness, the only happiness and strength of character and personhood comes from God. What a beautiful thing to have Him. What a tragic thing to have lost sight of.

Today, you should breathe.
Have a heart to heart with yourself.
Realize what you can be grateful for.

I am grateful for FAMILY, for weekends at home with way too much food and amazing conversations, for my mom and her mind and heart and soul and advice, my dad and his steadiness, his willingness to give all of himself for his family, heart to hearts with my brother over smokes and elementary school swings, for gum and water and life cereal and shuttlebus drivers and weather that tangibly hints at summertime, for warm showers and good running shoes and DC date-adventures picnicking with jaime d'souza. For heart to hearts on the lawn at night with my best girlfriends. For valerie and her constant sunshine, her everything. for dillon and his adventure stories and awesomeness. for the holding-the-door-open-for-you-people, for the cafeteria lady, for 395 south, harris teeter and crack cookies. and kites.

for my life. for my mind. for my heart. for everything.

Im grateful for everything.