Anthony.

You know one of the beauties of nannying? Kraft mac n' cheese. Yum-o. I haven't eaten this stuff in forever... it was worth the giant stomach ache I have now, delish.

It's been a surreal few weeks in the life of Mary Christeta. After the craziness of finals week [which ensued with total lack of sleep, far too much coffee and nicotine, complete reliance on a constant stream of adrenaline and not enough real food...] I got home and immediately got super sick for about a week and a half. Testament to the whole reliance on adrenaline thing. I started feeling like half a person again by the time Christmas rolled around. It was weird without Becca home for Christmas, didn't feel right. I miss her! Becca's boyfriend got out family a "Christmas Story"-esque leg lamp, complete with packaging marked "FRAGILE" [fraaj-eel-ayy], very Italian indeed...

In the meantime, our family received the tragic news of the death of ten year old cousin Anthony Strauss, brother of Gloria Strauss [and six, soon to be seven, other siblings]. He died due to a tragic accident on December 29.

When I think about this, it feels like a weight, a too-heavy anchor, it gets hard to breathe. After losing Gloria four years ago to advanced cancer, this loss seems impossible, unreal, not fathomable. And yet, it's a reality. A terrible, horrendous, unthinkable tragic reality. Every part of me aches for the Strauss family. And yet, all I can do is pray and hope that I can help carry some of the weight that the family feels right now. I know that in their position, praying would be one of the hardest things to do. I cannot imagine. Thinking about it makes me want to throw up, hide away, run from it. No part of me understands this.

I'm staying with my Aunt's kids while she goes to Seattle to be with the Strauss family. At least I can help indirectly.

At this point, I can't feel sorry for myself anymore, nothing amounts to Anthony's death. My silly discomforts and dissatisfactions are abbbbsolutely fickle compared to what the Strauss family faces. I want to slap myself, wake up, finally figure out that none of this is real. I can't wrap my mind around the loss of a child, much less two. I'm so. sad.

Pray for the Strausses and little Anthony. I know Anthony and Gloria are together now, and the beauty of it is what keeps me from feeling insurmountably defeated.


Anthony on a friend's shoulders during Gloria's funeral holding a picture of her above his head.