Life is such a whirlwind. This week, life sped up to a thousand miles per hour and I realized that in nine days, I won't LIVE here anymore. n nine days I'm going to pack everything in the car and drive 600 miles to where I'm going to spend the next four years of my life. Somehow I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this... everyone leaves for college, everyone moves, it's 1000000% normal. I am completely excited about it, but it's also terrifically hard for me. All of my close friends from high school are staying in-state and they will be more easily accessible to each other on small breaks, whereas I will probably only make it home for major holidays. Something feels empty about that and it scares me a little. I know I'm going to be completely fine once I get there, and I'm going to absolutely love it and probably have a hard time leaving there even for a short time but for now, sdfghjk. I feel like I'm leaving so much behind me, so many things that are unfinished. I feel like I didn't spend enough time with my best friends this summer, like I'm cheating myself out of tons of memories. I don't know. I shared this with my mom as I was sitting on my kitchen floor crisscross applesauce [my thinking spot] and this is why she's my hero: She took a bottle of bubbles from the kitchen counter and said "you just need to blow some bubbles, c'mon, let's go outside, blowing bubbles is going to help you." Hahaha and it totally did. She and I sat on my front porch popping eachother's bubbles and laughing and I felt like such a free little kid. Sometimes just sitting and shoving your worries out the window for a while is the total answer to any mysteries dangling in the back of your mind.
I'm realizing that in less than two weeks, I'm going to have a chance to be my complete, genuine, real, ridiculous, weird, Mary self to hundreds of people that I've never met. They have no idea who I am. They have no idea who my friends are that have helped me become who i am. But I can be the absolute most real, best me without the burden of past misunderstandings or screwed up first impressions. I mean, obviously it won't be perfect and obviously I probably will screw up. But the fact that I have a chance to be my complete self with a clean slate to so.many. new people is completely exciting! I can be who I want to be right from the start, clean slate, free and easy. It will be such an adventure and challenge, and I'm just praying that I can honor and glorify God by being who I truly want to be to everyone I will meet.
I've changed a lot in the past few months. I've had ridiculous learning curves and earthshattering realizations. I've come to know myself in a new way through amazing friendships I've discovered. I'm never alone, I always have someone to talk to or someone who will just listen. That is SO hard to come by. Like, how many people can say that they can;t even count on their fingers how many friends they know who are instantly, without a question THERE for them? WOAH. My life is so ridiculously cool, I love it.
I'm aware of the really random, tangential nature of this post, but I just had to get some of the things that have been swimming in my head out there. I have some goals for the next two weeks: No complaints--How completely blessed am I to have a life like this? No, complaints are totally out of the question. More control-- I can't let my apprehensions own me, I can do things about them. I'm going to run every day, like I've been doing, have prayer times and pace myself. No regrets-- I'm going to make the most out of the time I have left with my friends! It makes no sense to sit around and mope if I can do something about it.
Hope you enjoyed my little rant. Actually it wasn't little... Hopefully you didn't fall asleep. Just know that I really do absolutely, completely, without-a-hitch LOVE my intensely beautiful life because I am loved like crazy and God is always, always my listener and my friend.
I'm going to go find a neighbor's sprinkler to run through.
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