You know, God really rocks. He does. I'm trying to make more room for him in my life lately, and I'm beginning to see him everywhere. In my conversations, in my assignments, and just in general. I see him in my conversations with Asia about relationships and how difficult it is to wait for the right person, I see him in the encouragement I get from my friends, I see him in my cup of coffee+dark hot chocolate every morning, and I see him between the lines of my meditation book from Valerie. It's all kind of starting to make sense, my life. In a really discombobulated, chaotic, dysfunctional, perfect way. Because right now, I feel like my life is kinda like a crazy, tazmanian devil whirling dervish of emotions and thoughts and exhaustion and schoolwork and jobs and drama and far too little sleep. But that's how God works, he fits into the gaps in the weirdest, most unsuspected places. I was on a "holy-crap-i-am-going-to-jump-out-of-my-skin-if-i-don't-do-something-right-now" adventure run on monday, and in the midst of my "adventuring," I got soooo lost. Like, I ended up on a back road with no sidewalks and dangerously sloping embankments and fast oncoming traffic. At first I was angry, thinking stuff like "wow God is laughing at me right now, I am so pathetic, I can't even go on a 3 mile run without getting lost," but then it hit me. That whole situation, me taking weird turns and ending up stumbling rather than running along a road with cracked pavement and crazy opposing traffic, is exactly how my life is right now. I'm trying to swim against the current. Im trying to run without sidewalks on a congested, narrow road. I'm trying to take too much control over what I CAN'T control. I'm trying to do everything without God. That's how it feels. Like struggling against a current that's impossible to beat. God is way too big to tackle, you can't reverse oncoming traffic no matter how fast you're running in the opposite direction.
I need to stop running. I need to stop fighting. God is sending me so many signals and I'm ignoring all of them. He's begging me to take a breathe for once. To just stop and LISTEN instead of drowning him out with all the noise in my life and expecting to hear him over all the commotion. It's time for me to cool it. It's time for me to realize that it's impossible to keep trying alone. I don't have to be alone-- I'm NOT alone.
I need to be crisscross applesauce on Valerie's kitchen floor, pouring my heart out to her while she makes me one of her trademark grilled cheeses.
I want to be laughing hysterically and unstoppably at absolutely nothing with Renee and Katie on Katie's basement sofa.
I want to sing "O Magnum" with the Chamber Choir again. I still have it memorized.
I want to sit on my front porch with my legs stretched out and crossed on the banister and swat away mosquitoes in summertime dusk.
I need to realize that I am capable of changing my mind. It takes will. It's not enough to haphazardly wish things were different. If you actually WILL it, God will flood like a ribbon through your life. I think I will it. I want to be all out for him. Seeing Valerie's pictures of Haiti made me cry, a lot. And reading the journals she wrote there and everything she learned... it's all in my heart too. I feel it ALL. But I haven't voiced it. I feel like people, especially here at college, don't know my heart. They may know me as a sweet, nice person who's easy to get along with and laughs alot and has crazy hair and a cool eye and a weird middle name, but they don't know my heart. And I want that. I want people to know ME.
I find extreme beauty in really simple things. Like the sunrise. And sand.
I am a really internally emotional person. I don't show it very often.
God really is the love of my life. I need him, I am empty without him.
My parents taught and gave me an INCREDIBLE disposition in life. I still don't understand how they do it, they're amazing. I have the guiltiest conscience in the world, I know how to pray, I know how to love because of them.
I love being alone. Especially when I'm driving.
I write when I'm stressed out. Poetry, or rambles like this one.
I love to love. I think I'm good at loving people. I've figured out that it is very, very possible to love someone and not like them at all. Love is not all rainbows and butterflies, it is work, it's miserable sometimes. It requires humility and sacrifice of self in order to love other people the right way. I try to though. I am by no means an expert though. My mom is.
But really, she is.
And Valerie.
I want to lay it all down, love foolishly, hold nothing back, not let myself be tied down by things that won't matter in five years. I want to be preoccupied with what will matter FOREVER, my heart and my soul. My lack of sleep and excessive caffeine intake and my frustration with professors and stress about tests do not collectively amount to the power that actively loving does. It moves mountains. I wanna move a mountain. Readysetgo.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
It's been a while.
Whew. It's been a while. Prepare for rambling.
Soooo it's tuesday, first week back after the laziest, most ridiculously chill break in the world. I definitely needed the chill-out, but I feel like it almost set me too far back. I ran only once during break, after being used to running 6 days a week, so you can imagine my workout last night... let's just say that i felt the effects of the gargantuan amounts of honeynut cheerios i ate way past midnight every night and the obscene amount of crepes and whipped cream i consumed on midnight on ash wednesday. It's safe to say that I was sinfully gluttonous during break. whoops.
But break was really great, it was. I went home with my friend [and future roommate] Emily Dober. She lives in Virginia Beach, about 3 miles south of DC. It's a beautiful area, and despite the cold, we did rough the beach one day, just to say we did. Haha, it was SO cold. But totally worth it. I got to see my ocean :)
We went to movies and pierced our ears and ate too much food and didn't sleep enough and facebook creeped and had adventures. It was great, I love Emmyface.
I can't help but be almost tearfully jealous of some of my friends who got to go on mission trips during break. Hearing Valerie talk about Haiti, the people there who hunger for relationships and God and love... I want to be there. All the time. I don't talk about it a lot, but it's on my heart constantly. I want to be surrounded by those people. I want to play soccer in the dirt with 10 year old kids who are way better than me because they've had nothing much else to do with their lives than be outside. I want to have the eye-opening experience of communicating through love and not spoken language. I want to look into the big, beautiful eyes of impoverished and orphaned Haiti babies and love them and take care of them. To be there, to make room in my life for something thats not about me, that's not about my concern for the way I look or how other people think of me or what I'm going to eat or what to put as my facebook status or what the weekend plans are. I want to drop it all for a while and live for other people. I know I don't have to be in Haiti to live that way, but to be face to face with the harsh, sad, terrible reality of the poverty there, to be able to genuinely sympathize because i've SEEN it and I've experienced it... I crave that. I crave to love. My friend Jaime went to Peru for spring break and worked with orphans and rebuilt a church and stayed with a peruvian family and was served peruvian food and got to play with the kids. I wish I could go. I will, someday.
Yesterday, in theology class, we talked about the concept of salvation. We read this piece that used love and salvation analogously. It said that love and salvation entail the same paradox. That in truly loving, you give up a part of your self-seeking self in order to make room for someone or something else, while simultaneously becoming a more whole and true person. Love is a process. It's willful and conscious. You knowingly die to yourself in order to replace it with something you know to be greater and more important. In this sacrifice, you become more whole. Salvation has the same paradox, because [I think it's in the gospel of john that says this] "we have to die with Christ in order to rise with him." That statement struck me. A lot. Because it's an explanation for suffering in love. Empathy is what comes to my mind. I think I empathize a lot. I put myself in other people's situations and FEEL what they feel. In that way, I think I'm good at loving. But it's not all rainbows and butterflies. It's painful and sad and confusing sometimes. But that's just it. We can love because God loved us first, by sending christ into the world and by christ dying for our sins. Loving, then, utilizing the ability we are given by being created, ENTAILS SUFFERING. We must die with Christ in order to rise with him. We love, even when it is miserable, because it's exactly what christ did for us. His love for us was being nailed to a cross. Leaving a place like Haiti or peru and coming back to America where food gets wasted by the truckload and daily showers are normal can make you feel like you're empty. Like there is a void inside your heart where the faces of beautiful, impoverished people that you laid yourself down for used to be. The fact is, there is no void. The process of love is being able to make the transition from being physically present, in front of those people, to going away and making room for them in your heart. That is the pain of love. The beautiful, pure, amazing gift we have. In dying to ourselves to love others, we become more like Christ. wowza.
Back porches produce really awesome heart to hearts.
I'm realizing that I can run on about 3 hours of sleep consistently and not even die all the way.
My jaw was sore when I woke up, and I think it's from chewing gum too much. I might have a problem.
My sister Annie is in town and we're hanging out tonight annnnd it makes me happy, like a little kid on christmas.
Yesterday, it was gorgeous outside. At first, I thought it was gonna be chilly. But you that kind of day when you're so used to it being cold outside that you don't have much hope that it's going to be warm when you step out the door, but then when you do, you're just ahhh. You let the sun hit you for a second and you start to feel all fuzzy and glowy because you've been deprived of warmth for so long, and in that second your mood does a 180 and your whole day gets better? You see the sky more clearly, it looks way more blue than usual, you hear the birdies, you want to smile at everyone even if you realize you look weird? Yeah, it was that kind of day yesterday. It was rad.
I love my mother.
My little eighth grade brother joseph g-chatted me last night, and he was using aim lingo like "g2g" and "ikr" and "lol." WHAT? He was five years old like two seconds ago. And not he's using acronyms. What in the world.
I really miss my friends from home, my Indiana friends. I love them.
I really wanna play hopscotch right now. And jumprope. And play with sidewalk chalk and be barefoot and climb a tree and be a little kid. I'm sick of this whole being an adult business. I'm tired of scheduling advising meetings and building class schedules and taking test after test after test and feeling like I'm not getting anywhere and being so unsure all the time if this is really what I want to be doing. I just want to fly a kite for a while. That would probably fix my worries.
No, you know what sounds abbbbsolutely wonderful? A summer night, cloudless and breezy warm. On the side of a country road, lying back on the hood of my car just looking at the stars. I miss that, so much. It sounds sappy and fake, but I actually do this stuff, people, it's awesome so you should proobably try it. For real, it will change your life.
Alright well this has been a long post and my eyes hurt.
I'm trying not to be discouraged or restless. God knows the plans he has for me, and none of it is bad. That's nice to think about.
Soooo it's tuesday, first week back after the laziest, most ridiculously chill break in the world. I definitely needed the chill-out, but I feel like it almost set me too far back. I ran only once during break, after being used to running 6 days a week, so you can imagine my workout last night... let's just say that i felt the effects of the gargantuan amounts of honeynut cheerios i ate way past midnight every night and the obscene amount of crepes and whipped cream i consumed on midnight on ash wednesday. It's safe to say that I was sinfully gluttonous during break. whoops.
But break was really great, it was. I went home with my friend [and future roommate] Emily Dober. She lives in Virginia Beach, about 3 miles south of DC. It's a beautiful area, and despite the cold, we did rough the beach one day, just to say we did. Haha, it was SO cold. But totally worth it. I got to see my ocean :)
We went to movies and pierced our ears and ate too much food and didn't sleep enough and facebook creeped and had adventures. It was great, I love Emmyface.
I can't help but be almost tearfully jealous of some of my friends who got to go on mission trips during break. Hearing Valerie talk about Haiti, the people there who hunger for relationships and God and love... I want to be there. All the time. I don't talk about it a lot, but it's on my heart constantly. I want to be surrounded by those people. I want to play soccer in the dirt with 10 year old kids who are way better than me because they've had nothing much else to do with their lives than be outside. I want to have the eye-opening experience of communicating through love and not spoken language. I want to look into the big, beautiful eyes of impoverished and orphaned Haiti babies and love them and take care of them. To be there, to make room in my life for something thats not about me, that's not about my concern for the way I look or how other people think of me or what I'm going to eat or what to put as my facebook status or what the weekend plans are. I want to drop it all for a while and live for other people. I know I don't have to be in Haiti to live that way, but to be face to face with the harsh, sad, terrible reality of the poverty there, to be able to genuinely sympathize because i've SEEN it and I've experienced it... I crave that. I crave to love. My friend Jaime went to Peru for spring break and worked with orphans and rebuilt a church and stayed with a peruvian family and was served peruvian food and got to play with the kids. I wish I could go. I will, someday.
Yesterday, in theology class, we talked about the concept of salvation. We read this piece that used love and salvation analogously. It said that love and salvation entail the same paradox. That in truly loving, you give up a part of your self-seeking self in order to make room for someone or something else, while simultaneously becoming a more whole and true person. Love is a process. It's willful and conscious. You knowingly die to yourself in order to replace it with something you know to be greater and more important. In this sacrifice, you become more whole. Salvation has the same paradox, because [I think it's in the gospel of john that says this] "we have to die with Christ in order to rise with him." That statement struck me. A lot. Because it's an explanation for suffering in love. Empathy is what comes to my mind. I think I empathize a lot. I put myself in other people's situations and FEEL what they feel. In that way, I think I'm good at loving. But it's not all rainbows and butterflies. It's painful and sad and confusing sometimes. But that's just it. We can love because God loved us first, by sending christ into the world and by christ dying for our sins. Loving, then, utilizing the ability we are given by being created, ENTAILS SUFFERING. We must die with Christ in order to rise with him. We love, even when it is miserable, because it's exactly what christ did for us. His love for us was being nailed to a cross. Leaving a place like Haiti or peru and coming back to America where food gets wasted by the truckload and daily showers are normal can make you feel like you're empty. Like there is a void inside your heart where the faces of beautiful, impoverished people that you laid yourself down for used to be. The fact is, there is no void. The process of love is being able to make the transition from being physically present, in front of those people, to going away and making room for them in your heart. That is the pain of love. The beautiful, pure, amazing gift we have. In dying to ourselves to love others, we become more like Christ. wowza.
Back porches produce really awesome heart to hearts.
I'm realizing that I can run on about 3 hours of sleep consistently and not even die all the way.
My jaw was sore when I woke up, and I think it's from chewing gum too much. I might have a problem.
My sister Annie is in town and we're hanging out tonight annnnd it makes me happy, like a little kid on christmas.
Yesterday, it was gorgeous outside. At first, I thought it was gonna be chilly. But you that kind of day when you're so used to it being cold outside that you don't have much hope that it's going to be warm when you step out the door, but then when you do, you're just ahhh. You let the sun hit you for a second and you start to feel all fuzzy and glowy because you've been deprived of warmth for so long, and in that second your mood does a 180 and your whole day gets better? You see the sky more clearly, it looks way more blue than usual, you hear the birdies, you want to smile at everyone even if you realize you look weird? Yeah, it was that kind of day yesterday. It was rad.
I love my mother.
My little eighth grade brother joseph g-chatted me last night, and he was using aim lingo like "g2g" and "ikr" and "lol." WHAT? He was five years old like two seconds ago. And not he's using acronyms. What in the world.
I really miss my friends from home, my Indiana friends. I love them.
I really wanna play hopscotch right now. And jumprope. And play with sidewalk chalk and be barefoot and climb a tree and be a little kid. I'm sick of this whole being an adult business. I'm tired of scheduling advising meetings and building class schedules and taking test after test after test and feeling like I'm not getting anywhere and being so unsure all the time if this is really what I want to be doing. I just want to fly a kite for a while. That would probably fix my worries.
No, you know what sounds abbbbsolutely wonderful? A summer night, cloudless and breezy warm. On the side of a country road, lying back on the hood of my car just looking at the stars. I miss that, so much. It sounds sappy and fake, but I actually do this stuff, people, it's awesome so you should proobably try it. For real, it will change your life.
Alright well this has been a long post and my eyes hurt.
I'm trying not to be discouraged or restless. God knows the plans he has for me, and none of it is bad. That's nice to think about.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
i burn to be alive.
i think i need a fire,
exploding concrete under my feet
because i'm stuck here, breathless
and feeling empty.
shoot them, shards of
piercing glass, ivory or ebony,
impress them on my eyes
to reverse my chaotic sight.
there would be a silent simplicity,
easy contemplation
brought by the vivid black and white.
batter me, dent my sides,
bruise my knees, kick me into
revolutionized perspective.
it's not supposed to be easy,
i want this to ignite my being
and give me new reasons to keep
stepping forward.
dust is pooling under my shoes
so hurricane, pull me up and
freefall me to somewhere unknown.
i'm terrified, but i burn to be alive.
make the gravel leap under me,
press the trees into the street
and make the sky my sidewalk.
let me breathe in a volcano,
i'll exhale clarity, a wrung-out world
where swirling sand becomes a
soulbreaking rainstorm
and my heart beats in time with
the rhythm of unfettered thunderclaps.
exploding concrete under my feet
because i'm stuck here, breathless
and feeling empty.
shoot them, shards of
piercing glass, ivory or ebony,
impress them on my eyes
to reverse my chaotic sight.
there would be a silent simplicity,
easy contemplation
brought by the vivid black and white.
batter me, dent my sides,
bruise my knees, kick me into
revolutionized perspective.
it's not supposed to be easy,
i want this to ignite my being
and give me new reasons to keep
stepping forward.
dust is pooling under my shoes
so hurricane, pull me up and
freefall me to somewhere unknown.
i'm terrified, but i burn to be alive.
make the gravel leap under me,
press the trees into the street
and make the sky my sidewalk.
let me breathe in a volcano,
i'll exhale clarity, a wrung-out world
where swirling sand becomes a
soulbreaking rainstorm
and my heart beats in time with
the rhythm of unfettered thunderclaps.
Give me freedom.
Free fallin.
I feel like sleep has fallen off of my priority list.
But you know? It's Thursday. 8:40am on Thursday morning and I'm deciding not to stress about the quiz and presentation I have in 5 minutes and instead, I'm writing down my feelings. Because it's what brings me back to square one, reality, my non-freak out zone.
The birds were singing loud this morning.
The sky is crystal blue and sharp like the air.
It's cold but it still holds a lingering promise that spring will be here soon.
I hear people around me in this cafe speaking like 4 different languages, and it's kinda cool.
I'm having a good hair day and despite that fact that my stomach kills, I'm wearing flip flips and my toes are painted a shade of blue that reminds me of mermaids. I don't know why it reminds me of mermaids, but it does.
I wanna let go today, be free and unfettered and alive.
God, take me there. Remove my anxieties. Today is yours.Today is mine to make Yours.
It's so beautiful, this life.
I'm going to go ace my quiz and improv through my presentation. And it's going to be awesome.
I feel like sleep has fallen off of my priority list.
But you know? It's Thursday. 8:40am on Thursday morning and I'm deciding not to stress about the quiz and presentation I have in 5 minutes and instead, I'm writing down my feelings. Because it's what brings me back to square one, reality, my non-freak out zone.
The birds were singing loud this morning.
The sky is crystal blue and sharp like the air.
It's cold but it still holds a lingering promise that spring will be here soon.
I hear people around me in this cafe speaking like 4 different languages, and it's kinda cool.
I'm having a good hair day and despite that fact that my stomach kills, I'm wearing flip flips and my toes are painted a shade of blue that reminds me of mermaids. I don't know why it reminds me of mermaids, but it does.
I wanna let go today, be free and unfettered and alive.
God, take me there. Remove my anxieties. Today is yours.Today is mine to make Yours.
It's so beautiful, this life.
I'm going to go ace my quiz and improv through my presentation. And it's going to be awesome.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Hodge-Podge.
Lately, I've been tired. Really, really tired. Like usually I can snap out of it and fake it till I make it but maaan oh man, I'm TIRED. It's like all these things in my life that were in the back of my brain hibernating just all decided to wake up at once and surprise me. Now its like... if you were to shut yourself in a room that had a bunch of windows that were all open and people were standing outside and throwing beanie babies at you, repeatedly from all directions and yelling at you to name each one of them but you're too busy being preoccupied with slapping away the persistent shower of beanie babies being thrown at you... that's how I feel. TOO MANY BEANIE BABIES.
On the flipside, it was/is sunny out today. I got out of my lab a little bit early today, so I sat outside for a while and looked at the clouds, got some coffee, called my mom, then smoked some hookah at a picnic table with the cool kids. That was nice.
I had a psychology midterm this morning and it was kiinda ridiculous. It was open book, open note, annnnd open laptop. So studying seemed a little bit frivolous. And I mean, you can look up everything online.. which I did. But it kinda took a while, so when my professor announced that I had 15 minutes left and I had two essay questions to do, you better believe that I was sweating up a storm to finish that business. I did, though. I'm pretty sure I did well. Hooahh.
Chelsea makes me laugh.
I have an odd fear of working my front desk at work. It's like, when I'm in the back on the phones, I'm not face to face with the people I'm helping, but then when you're at the front desk, BOOM, you're tellin people to fill out papers and booking appointments and it gets REAL. Kinda scary.
I need to sleep more. I'm running on adrenaline and coffee and cheerios. Helloo Tuesday.
Today, the redbull car passed by. I got REALLY happy, because a redbull sounded pretty dang nice. So I chased it with a couple friends, waited for it to park, stood around, then the redbull girl opened her window and said they weren't giving out samples today. I was actually a little bit heartbroken. That car is such a tease, it got my hopes up. LAAAME.
My oh myyyy I need a sunset. And probably some stars after that.
My dad is such a winner. He filled out all of my financial aid stuff online and on time. I don't know what I'd do without him. I love him and miss him so much. I just really, really do.
Yooo happy mardi gras! Otherwise known as fat tuesday. I've always hated that name. FAT TUESDAY. Maybe it's because I really don't like tuesdays in general because they're just dumb days that are stuck at the beginning of the week and taunt you because friday is still really far away. And then to add "fat" to "tuesday" just makes it sound even less appealing. I prefer Mardi Gras. Or "free-pancakes-at-ihop-day." Does this mean lent starts tomorrow? Ooof what to give up..
I think Valerie is a soul-soldier. That sounds weird, but I think she is. She has so much on her heart all the time because that's how she lives-- she just takes normal stuff and things people may think are insignificant and she thinks about them and wrestles with them and just cares, truly, madly, deeply, about SO much. It's her natural self to be that way, but since not a lot of people are, it's tough to be understood sometimes. But she lives so well. Beautifully, in fact. Valerie, you KNOW how to live beautifully. That is SO cool.
I miss Katie Anne and Renee.
There's a sharpie next to me and I miiiight doodle on myself with it.
I think I'm addicted to gum.
Carpe Diem. Trying, trying.
I'm having a really WEIRD hair day.
You know you room is a mess when you pick up an umbrella off the floor and there are various articles of clothes hanging on it.
I have a headache. Go away.
Gracie just called me a "certified hick." Is it weird that I take that as a compliment?
Anatomy & Physiology is hacking away at my soul.
I get to see my sister and some cousins on friday. Im excited :]
It's supposed to be 60 and sunny tomorrow. I want to wear a dress. But I don't have one.
I have come to the realization that I've been almost a year in college and I still have never had easy mac or ramen noodles. or cup o' noodles.
Chocolate milk let me down yesterday. I didn't even know that was possible.
45 minutes until run time. My general running speed on the treadmill now is at like 7.8. I feel kind of accomplished.
Ashaunte is cute because she writes lovenotes on my mirror. I wanna put her in my pocket and keep her forever.
I WANT TO TIE-DYE SOOOOO BAD.
I really wish people played more acoustic guitar here. There is a serious lack of sing-a-long jamming on this campus. It makes me miss Jake Maz all the time.
Jake! Let's go to Champagne Island?
I'm just rambling now.
Overall, it's a good day. And it's going to end with free pancakes. I'm okay with that.
Salty wind, sand in my toes, warm nights with the sky exploding with stars, seeing the spotlight from the boardwalk down the beach, running along the beach, feeling the sting of summer on my skin. That's what's on my mind. Take me there.
On the flipside, it was/is sunny out today. I got out of my lab a little bit early today, so I sat outside for a while and looked at the clouds, got some coffee, called my mom, then smoked some hookah at a picnic table with the cool kids. That was nice.
I had a psychology midterm this morning and it was kiinda ridiculous. It was open book, open note, annnnd open laptop. So studying seemed a little bit frivolous. And I mean, you can look up everything online.. which I did. But it kinda took a while, so when my professor announced that I had 15 minutes left and I had two essay questions to do, you better believe that I was sweating up a storm to finish that business. I did, though. I'm pretty sure I did well. Hooahh.
Chelsea makes me laugh.
I have an odd fear of working my front desk at work. It's like, when I'm in the back on the phones, I'm not face to face with the people I'm helping, but then when you're at the front desk, BOOM, you're tellin people to fill out papers and booking appointments and it gets REAL. Kinda scary.
I need to sleep more. I'm running on adrenaline and coffee and cheerios. Helloo Tuesday.
Today, the redbull car passed by. I got REALLY happy, because a redbull sounded pretty dang nice. So I chased it with a couple friends, waited for it to park, stood around, then the redbull girl opened her window and said they weren't giving out samples today. I was actually a little bit heartbroken. That car is such a tease, it got my hopes up. LAAAME.
My oh myyyy I need a sunset. And probably some stars after that.
My dad is such a winner. He filled out all of my financial aid stuff online and on time. I don't know what I'd do without him. I love him and miss him so much. I just really, really do.
Yooo happy mardi gras! Otherwise known as fat tuesday. I've always hated that name. FAT TUESDAY. Maybe it's because I really don't like tuesdays in general because they're just dumb days that are stuck at the beginning of the week and taunt you because friday is still really far away. And then to add "fat" to "tuesday" just makes it sound even less appealing. I prefer Mardi Gras. Or "free-pancakes-at-ihop-day." Does this mean lent starts tomorrow? Ooof what to give up..
I think Valerie is a soul-soldier. That sounds weird, but I think she is. She has so much on her heart all the time because that's how she lives-- she just takes normal stuff and things people may think are insignificant and she thinks about them and wrestles with them and just cares, truly, madly, deeply, about SO much. It's her natural self to be that way, but since not a lot of people are, it's tough to be understood sometimes. But she lives so well. Beautifully, in fact. Valerie, you KNOW how to live beautifully. That is SO cool.
I miss Katie Anne and Renee.
There's a sharpie next to me and I miiiight doodle on myself with it.
I think I'm addicted to gum.
Carpe Diem. Trying, trying.
I'm having a really WEIRD hair day.
You know you room is a mess when you pick up an umbrella off the floor and there are various articles of clothes hanging on it.
I have a headache. Go away.
Gracie just called me a "certified hick." Is it weird that I take that as a compliment?
Anatomy & Physiology is hacking away at my soul.
I get to see my sister and some cousins on friday. Im excited :]
It's supposed to be 60 and sunny tomorrow. I want to wear a dress. But I don't have one.
I have come to the realization that I've been almost a year in college and I still have never had easy mac or ramen noodles. or cup o' noodles.
Chocolate milk let me down yesterday. I didn't even know that was possible.
45 minutes until run time. My general running speed on the treadmill now is at like 7.8. I feel kind of accomplished.
Ashaunte is cute because she writes lovenotes on my mirror. I wanna put her in my pocket and keep her forever.
I WANT TO TIE-DYE SOOOOO BAD.
I really wish people played more acoustic guitar here. There is a serious lack of sing-a-long jamming on this campus. It makes me miss Jake Maz all the time.
Jake! Let's go to Champagne Island?
I'm just rambling now.
Overall, it's a good day. And it's going to end with free pancakes. I'm okay with that.
Salty wind, sand in my toes, warm nights with the sky exploding with stars, seeing the spotlight from the boardwalk down the beach, running along the beach, feeling the sting of summer on my skin. That's what's on my mind. Take me there.
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