Oh to be without electricity. Mother nature seems to be reluctant to hand over fall to winter, as severe tornado weather has just eaten up a good bit of the upper midwest. Thank goodness my family's home was free of damage, in a neighborhood full of felled trees and split power lines. No power seems like a pretty fair situation given the surrounding circumstances. I am currently sitting in a Martin's Deli using their internet and sipping on a giant Peach Snapple. I guess I have no complaints.
I have to leave for work soon... oh work. It's gonna be a brutal Monday, I think. Considering that there was a full moon last night, I have a sneaking suspicion that I will arrive at work with the news that one of my residents died, or people will simply be acting wacky. The whole "must be a full moon" thing when life seems funky is actually no joke. It coincides every time. Weird, huh? But true.
Life is a twisty whirlwind these days as work has picked up and life continues to barrel ahead clumsily, but at least it's covering some ground. I work at a wonderful nursing home in Elkhart, IN. I say "wonderful" because not only are the people I work with excellent, but the facility itself is just nice. It doesn't have that quintessential "nursing home smell." Instead of feeling stark with a faux-sterile smelling atmosphere, it's warm. The colors, the smells, the people, the vibe. I'm so grateful.
Working with old people was never something I expected to do. Frankly, old people always scared me, made me feel wildly uncomfortable and sheepish. But, for some reason, I find myself surrounded by them, filled with an unconditional desire to care for them, comfort them, and love them. It's got to be God, that's all I have to say. Most of my residents are over 90 years old, and then a lot of them are over 100. Isn't that incredible?? One of my favorite residents (shh, don't tell) is 104. She is adorable, never stops talking, and kisses me on the cheek. You'll find so many kinds of personalities in old people. There are the ones who have, for lack of a better phrase, "made friends" with their situation-- being completely dependent on other people to get through daily life activities. The ones who accept their care with (what has GOT to be a huge amount of humility) and graciousness. Then, there are the ones who just don't want to be there. The ones whose eyes have lost a luster for life, the lightless ones. These people will either vocalize their frustration with living and make it known that they just want to die, or, in many cases, they just won't say anything. The ones who stay silent are the ones that break my heart the most. Albeit, it's all heartbreaking. In a very short time, I've lost my heart to these people. The sad ones, the silly ones, the mournful and the peaceful. They all have his or her own cross that I imagine is nearly impossible to bear. Most of us can share our burdens, whether through conversation or physical interaction with our peers. Imagine being able to do neither, to be trapped in a body that doesn't work, yet having a mind that is alive and more or less perfect. They have a special kind of suffering. I think they are one of the Devil's favorite playgrounds. There are certainly a lot of cracks where the Enemy's poisons of deception and despair can easily seep. I pray for these people almost constantly. Everyone should.
Well, time is getting away from me, I need to pack up and head to work.
Here's to everyone having a Monday that makes you think. Challenge for today: Don't complain about anything. There are too many people who have troubles that I cannot even begin to know how to empathize. I am alive, healthy, free, happy, blessed, and loved. Oh how much I have.
Until we meet again, little neglected blog.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Gratefuls
A: Audiobooks
B: Bridget Feeks
C: Cousins
D: Determination
E: Employment!!!
F: Finishing clinicals
G: Generosity
H: Health
I: Intelligent conversation
J: Jokes
K: Kicks. The kind you wear on your feet.
L: Love, everywhere.
M: Mercy
N: Naked Juice
O: Occasions to sing for no reason.
P: Parents and their wisdom
Q: Q....uidditch
R: Rest
S: Scrubs
T: Teachers
U: Understanding
V: Victory
W: Winning at life
X: marks the spot
Y: Youth and its opportunities
Z: Zoom
B: Bridget Feeks
C: Cousins
D: Determination
E: Employment!!!
F: Finishing clinicals
G: Generosity
H: Health
I: Intelligent conversation
J: Jokes
K: Kicks. The kind you wear on your feet.
L: Love, everywhere.
M: Mercy
N: Naked Juice
O: Occasions to sing for no reason.
P: Parents and their wisdom
Q: Q....uidditch
R: Rest
S: Scrubs
T: Teachers
U: Understanding
V: Victory
W: Winning at life
X: marks the spot
Y: Youth and its opportunities
Z: Zoom
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
26 Grateful-fors
Hello, sunny Tuesday. You're lovely, nonchalant and whimsical. It's one of those days that the sun has a mirror effect on the trees, all shiny and dazzling. I'd like it to be September always.
Quick life update: I will be starting a 3 week CNA [Certified Nursing Assistant] training program this coming Monday. The gist of it is this: One week of classes, two weeks of clinicals. After those 3 weeks, I will take a state-certified exam in two portions, and if I pass, I'm certified! Ta-da! I'm pretty excited to start this chapter of my life. What's funny is that I feel like I've been waiting forever to get my foot in the nursing door, and ultimately made this simple choice to be a CNA before finishing my RN degree. Funny how life twists your arm sometimes. Anyway, I'm so ready for what will be a very scrub-clad existence.
As for the title of this post, I've decided to try and do at least a weekly "ABC list of things to be grateful for." My challenge will be not to repeat my list items. Here goes.
A: Autumn. It's so lovely.
B: Ball-point pens.
C: Chapstick.
D: Driving.
E: Eating.
F: Family [original, I know]
G: God.
H: Highway sunrises.
I: Internet
J: Joy
K: Koala bear hugs from babies
L: Lancelot
M: Marlboro
N: Novels
O: Overcoming Obstacles [do I get 2 points for this one?]
P: Paper
Q: Questions that make me think
R: Reading
S: Stationary
T: Talking
U: Underwear [I mean, right?]
V: Very awesome life
W: Wine
X: sorry, x-rays, I don't like you, but you're the only X I can think of right now.
Y: Youth
Z: Zzz's
Okay, that may have been very lame, but at least I did it! I'm sure my lists will improve as time goes on. With the danger of letting myself start a long ramble, I think I'll leave this post be. I'm glad I'm Tuesdaying happily.
Quick life update: I will be starting a 3 week CNA [Certified Nursing Assistant] training program this coming Monday. The gist of it is this: One week of classes, two weeks of clinicals. After those 3 weeks, I will take a state-certified exam in two portions, and if I pass, I'm certified! Ta-da! I'm pretty excited to start this chapter of my life. What's funny is that I feel like I've been waiting forever to get my foot in the nursing door, and ultimately made this simple choice to be a CNA before finishing my RN degree. Funny how life twists your arm sometimes. Anyway, I'm so ready for what will be a very scrub-clad existence.
As for the title of this post, I've decided to try and do at least a weekly "ABC list of things to be grateful for." My challenge will be not to repeat my list items. Here goes.
A: Autumn. It's so lovely.
B: Ball-point pens.
C: Chapstick.
D: Driving.
E: Eating.
F: Family [original, I know]
G: God.
H: Highway sunrises.
I: Internet
J: Joy
K: Koala bear hugs from babies
L: Lancelot
M: Marlboro
N: Novels
O: Overcoming Obstacles [do I get 2 points for this one?]
P: Paper
Q: Questions that make me think
R: Reading
S: Stationary
T: Talking
U: Underwear [I mean, right?]
V: Very awesome life
W: Wine
X: sorry, x-rays, I don't like you, but you're the only X I can think of right now.
Y: Youth
Z: Zzz's
Okay, that may have been very lame, but at least I did it! I'm sure my lists will improve as time goes on. With the danger of letting myself start a long ramble, I think I'll leave this post be. I'm glad I'm Tuesdaying happily.
Monday, September 2, 2013
New Leaf
It's been a while, little blog.
I'm going to start trying to post more frequently, if only because it forces me to organize my thoughts.
Life has been a medley of ups and owns as of late. Twinges of joy are starting to abound as my sister's wedding is quite swiftly approaching. Saturday is the day!!! I am the maid of honor and have still not finished my toast for the reception. I don't want it to be the quintessential corny, overly-sentimental memoir of our sister-ness, but I also don't want it to be too short and lame. Lord help me achieve a happy medium.
My mom is working like a fiend to wrap up the millions of wedding details that cease to dissipate. I'm so proud of her. She works so hard and composes herself so gracefully. How lucky am I to have a mom like that?! My cup runneth over. Both my parents just astound me. They are such champions for their children. They'd walk through fire for each one of us. I love them so much.
Spiritually, I'm trying to mend myself. I've gone through a couple vicious spiritual "winters" and emerged from each better in some respects and worse in others. I am fiercely trying to turn over a new leaf in these terms.
Frequent the sacrament of Confession
Commit to daily prayer
Attend Mass like I mean it
Seek wholesome friendships and relationships
Be honest with myself
Discern
Prioritize
These are heavy to-do items of mine, but I'm determined to commit. To live them, to think about them often, to let them shape my actions and conversations. I don't love myself right now, and this has got to change. How can you expect to be loved, and I mean truly loved and appreciated by others if you don't first love and appreciate where your life is headed and love and appreciate yourself. I guess those two go hand in hand. If you don't love yourself. you'll make decisions that reflect lack of self-respect. In turn, you tangle yourself in webs that you never foresaw, but in turn have to address. Addressing those are no fun. Albeit, you learn. My God, do you learn. [Just fyi, I derived that statement from C.S. Lewis, so I felt okay using God's name that way.] But isn't it better to let "learning" lie where it may, and let God take over? Why is it so hard for me to let go of emotion and let God step in and be my autopilot? I guess it's being human, isn't it? God gave and entrusted us with free will. I mean, I truly believe that it's one of the inexplicable beauties of being human. But it entails that at any given moment, we are at liberty to choose. How scary is that? Some people latch onto that aspect of humanity as an absurd and twisted freedom, but they don't realize that they morph it into a cage they've made for themselves. Choice is a gritty affair. It is not to be abused, yet it always is. It's why sin exists, and it's why everyone has emotion and stress and terror and fear and pain. I guess I just hope that I can steer myself away from choices that create cages. One thing I am undoubtedly certain of is this: choices made through prayer and the power and guidance of the Holy Spirit can only lead to perfect freedom. Perfect in its most lovely, naked definition. One of the definitions of "perfect" is "complete." In my opinion, no one can be truly complete if they don't live in the Lord. This is why my aforesaid "to-do" list is so important. I crave freedom in the Lord.
It's late, and that's more philosophizing than I've done in a long time. But I'm glad I did. I'm going to post more soon. Not that anyone reads this, but maybe a few do. Regardless, I'll continue my thought-vomit soon, I think.
I can't believe I ended that paragraph with the word vomit. Ew.
I'm going to start trying to post more frequently, if only because it forces me to organize my thoughts.
Life has been a medley of ups and owns as of late. Twinges of joy are starting to abound as my sister's wedding is quite swiftly approaching. Saturday is the day!!! I am the maid of honor and have still not finished my toast for the reception. I don't want it to be the quintessential corny, overly-sentimental memoir of our sister-ness, but I also don't want it to be too short and lame. Lord help me achieve a happy medium.
My mom is working like a fiend to wrap up the millions of wedding details that cease to dissipate. I'm so proud of her. She works so hard and composes herself so gracefully. How lucky am I to have a mom like that?! My cup runneth over. Both my parents just astound me. They are such champions for their children. They'd walk through fire for each one of us. I love them so much.
Spiritually, I'm trying to mend myself. I've gone through a couple vicious spiritual "winters" and emerged from each better in some respects and worse in others. I am fiercely trying to turn over a new leaf in these terms.
Frequent the sacrament of Confession
Commit to daily prayer
Attend Mass like I mean it
Seek wholesome friendships and relationships
Be honest with myself
Discern
Prioritize
These are heavy to-do items of mine, but I'm determined to commit. To live them, to think about them often, to let them shape my actions and conversations. I don't love myself right now, and this has got to change. How can you expect to be loved, and I mean truly loved and appreciated by others if you don't first love and appreciate where your life is headed and love and appreciate yourself. I guess those two go hand in hand. If you don't love yourself. you'll make decisions that reflect lack of self-respect. In turn, you tangle yourself in webs that you never foresaw, but in turn have to address. Addressing those are no fun. Albeit, you learn. My God, do you learn. [Just fyi, I derived that statement from C.S. Lewis, so I felt okay using God's name that way.] But isn't it better to let "learning" lie where it may, and let God take over? Why is it so hard for me to let go of emotion and let God step in and be my autopilot? I guess it's being human, isn't it? God gave and entrusted us with free will. I mean, I truly believe that it's one of the inexplicable beauties of being human. But it entails that at any given moment, we are at liberty to choose. How scary is that? Some people latch onto that aspect of humanity as an absurd and twisted freedom, but they don't realize that they morph it into a cage they've made for themselves. Choice is a gritty affair. It is not to be abused, yet it always is. It's why sin exists, and it's why everyone has emotion and stress and terror and fear and pain. I guess I just hope that I can steer myself away from choices that create cages. One thing I am undoubtedly certain of is this: choices made through prayer and the power and guidance of the Holy Spirit can only lead to perfect freedom. Perfect in its most lovely, naked definition. One of the definitions of "perfect" is "complete." In my opinion, no one can be truly complete if they don't live in the Lord. This is why my aforesaid "to-do" list is so important. I crave freedom in the Lord.
It's late, and that's more philosophizing than I've done in a long time. But I'm glad I did. I'm going to post more soon. Not that anyone reads this, but maybe a few do. Regardless, I'll continue my thought-vomit soon, I think.
I can't believe I ended that paragraph with the word vomit. Ew.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
When too late turns into far too soon
and you're tangled in faces you thought would be forgot
easily,
time becomes a tangible force of decision weight
and your feet tethered to crossword conversations
make it feel like it's beginning to leave you behind
without asking your permission.
Honestly let's be honest turns into a revolting spin cycle,
and you're catching yourself in repeated mistakes-
always ruing your folly, but your constitution too frail to
commit to abandoning the wreck.
As your tethered feet begin to feel numbed by the pouring of cement,
you come face to face with the dreamy countenance of carefree unthought
and it's for you to decide what's worth saving--
your soul, weak yet hungering
or your gluttonous emotion, rank with overindulgence.
and you're tangled in faces you thought would be forgot
easily,
time becomes a tangible force of decision weight
and your feet tethered to crossword conversations
make it feel like it's beginning to leave you behind
without asking your permission.
Honestly let's be honest turns into a revolting spin cycle,
and you're catching yourself in repeated mistakes-
always ruing your folly, but your constitution too frail to
commit to abandoning the wreck.
As your tethered feet begin to feel numbed by the pouring of cement,
you come face to face with the dreamy countenance of carefree unthought
and it's for you to decide what's worth saving--
your soul, weak yet hungering
or your gluttonous emotion, rank with overindulgence.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Summertime Musings
Hey, world, it's been a while.
I am currently surrounded by sidewalk chalk, water balloons, and copious amount of bubbles. Can you say bliss? All that's missing is tiedye and maybe a popsicle or seven. It's a beautiful day. The kind where you feel the heat coming from the ground just as much as from the sun. When the grass is sticky and hot and the shaded pavement is cool. Days like this take me back to when I was little and shoes didn't matter and summer was synonymous with adventure. I think I need a little bit of adventure in my life. I'm starting to get restless from feeling too static.
Time moves way faster than you think sometimes, doesn't it? Life has funny ways of reminding you to stop spacing out and letting time slip by unappreciated. My dear wonderful sister and her husband are expecting a baby! Due Christmas Eve. I am beyond elated about this. My other sister is getting married in a few months! I'm the maid of honor. So exciting! My best friend Valerie gets married in less than a month and I'm in her wedding as well! What joy. Just happy joyness everywhere.
A few days ago, I bought two toe rings. I am currently wearing both.
Lately, I sing more than I have in a while. This is a good sign.
I sat at this little Irish Pub called Fiddler's Hearth with my friend Calla yesterday. We listened to live Irish music and ate pub pretzels and talked about our future selves vagabonding around the world. Day made.
I spent $50 at CVS today, and the majority of my purchase consisted of bubbles and sidewalk chalk. Win.
I smell good right now. Always a good thing.
I get to go to Diamond Lake tonight and visit awesome cousins! Diamond Lake teems my mind with memories of childhood Fourth of Julys, sitting on the edge of the wooden pier, legs too small for my feet to touch the water, watching twilight fireworks electrify the sky and soak up the darkness. Firework imprints would jump in my eyelids every time I blinked. Even though I would be sunburned and exhausted, I came alive when the sky lit up. Fireworks are still one of my favorite things.
As naptime winds down here in nanny land, the house is growing more abuzz by the minute. I've blown up about 8 balloons in the past 5 minutes and I'm lightheaded but laughing.
I saw a chipmunk steal away an entire chocolate chip cookie today. Pity about the casualty, but I was impressed with the chipmunk.
I love the feeling at the end of days like this, mentally and emotionally drained from being needed by 7 kids all day long, yet oh so satisfied at the same time. A sense of accomplishment abounds, and love for the kids takes over my heart. I'm smitten, I am.
Duty calls, sidewalk chalk masterpieces are begging to be created, and I'm the girl for the job.
Happy Wednesday, world! Hope yours is as colorful as mine is about to be :)
I am currently surrounded by sidewalk chalk, water balloons, and copious amount of bubbles. Can you say bliss? All that's missing is tiedye and maybe a popsicle or seven. It's a beautiful day. The kind where you feel the heat coming from the ground just as much as from the sun. When the grass is sticky and hot and the shaded pavement is cool. Days like this take me back to when I was little and shoes didn't matter and summer was synonymous with adventure. I think I need a little bit of adventure in my life. I'm starting to get restless from feeling too static.
Time moves way faster than you think sometimes, doesn't it? Life has funny ways of reminding you to stop spacing out and letting time slip by unappreciated. My dear wonderful sister and her husband are expecting a baby! Due Christmas Eve. I am beyond elated about this. My other sister is getting married in a few months! I'm the maid of honor. So exciting! My best friend Valerie gets married in less than a month and I'm in her wedding as well! What joy. Just happy joyness everywhere.
A few days ago, I bought two toe rings. I am currently wearing both.
Lately, I sing more than I have in a while. This is a good sign.
I sat at this little Irish Pub called Fiddler's Hearth with my friend Calla yesterday. We listened to live Irish music and ate pub pretzels and talked about our future selves vagabonding around the world. Day made.
I spent $50 at CVS today, and the majority of my purchase consisted of bubbles and sidewalk chalk. Win.
I smell good right now. Always a good thing.
I get to go to Diamond Lake tonight and visit awesome cousins! Diamond Lake teems my mind with memories of childhood Fourth of Julys, sitting on the edge of the wooden pier, legs too small for my feet to touch the water, watching twilight fireworks electrify the sky and soak up the darkness. Firework imprints would jump in my eyelids every time I blinked. Even though I would be sunburned and exhausted, I came alive when the sky lit up. Fireworks are still one of my favorite things.
As naptime winds down here in nanny land, the house is growing more abuzz by the minute. I've blown up about 8 balloons in the past 5 minutes and I'm lightheaded but laughing.
I saw a chipmunk steal away an entire chocolate chip cookie today. Pity about the casualty, but I was impressed with the chipmunk.
I love the feeling at the end of days like this, mentally and emotionally drained from being needed by 7 kids all day long, yet oh so satisfied at the same time. A sense of accomplishment abounds, and love for the kids takes over my heart. I'm smitten, I am.
Duty calls, sidewalk chalk masterpieces are begging to be created, and I'm the girl for the job.
Happy Wednesday, world! Hope yours is as colorful as mine is about to be :)
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